Sweet, Smoky, and Slightly Inappropriate: Candied Sausage Burnt Ends

After a summer’s camping morning of trekking to a backcountry lake, I definitely deserve some Meat Candy.  Hello there, Candied Sausage Burnt Ends. Trekking uphill at over 10,000 feet can be exhausting, but its all worth it when you get to relax at the end of the day at a private mountain lake beach, just you and your dog and what’s left of your Donald Trump blow-up doll. Wait, does not everyone bring a Donald Trump blow-up doll on vacation with them?

It’s very easy to unplug from technology when all your technology is broken. Thanks, Verizon Wireless!

Obviously, when one sets off into the wilderness with nothing but a tent, a camp toilet, an adventurous dog, and a dream (of summiting mountain peaks, of course), they expect to unplug from technology just a bit. When you have a brand new expensive cell phone with no working internet technology. It makes it a lot easier to ignore Facebook and Instagram and all those asshats on Twitter when your brand new phone has no internet and no data connection. Yes, this basically was like camping back in 2001 before iPhones. Seriously, I have not looked at the news in one whole week. I have no idea what kinds of troubles Donald Trump could have gotten into in one week, but I’m a little worried to log back into life in a few days.

I like The Donald a lot better when he’s just a floating head that follows me all over on vacation and shows up silently for selfies.

I’ve been accidentally unhooked from technology all week. I bought a defective brand-new #Pixel9XL phone two weeks ago. With a week to spare, I thought I could get this internet issue fixed before I left for the Eastern Sierra on my vacation. Nope. All the Verizon employees in all of Big Bear Lake and obviously southern India (Every time I called their technology department) could not tell me how to get my internet working. 5G my ass. That bitch Lindsey Lohan lied to me, Glow Up Bitch! Getting 5 Mbps up and 4 Mbps down is worse than Broadband internet from 2001 when Napster was still a thing.

So there I was in the eastern Sierra, no Facebook, no IG, no assholes on Twitter that don’t like my outspoken opinion, or really the fact that I have one as a grown ass woman. I had to camp, hike and swim every day without the interruption of TikTok or all those Karens yelling at me on the IG for having the gall to do the Trump Dance with my dog. I have to say it was a welcome distraction to use my phone only as a camera and not as a social media time suck for a whole week. It was, however, stressful, you know, as a small business owner; I could not communicate with future clients whatsoever! Is this what a business account with Verizon Wireless should be like? If I ran my business like this, well, I wouldn’t have one. I would be Bed Bath and Beyond.

But you know what gets me through stressful times? Meat candy. The legal kind. Such as these tangy Candied Sausage Burnt Ends.

Sugar, Smoke, and Sausage: The Snack That Might Ruin You for Dinner

Invite your neighbors over for a Labor Day barbecue and I guarantee these sticky-sweet treats will be gone faster than Kamala’s political career.

These Candied Sausage Burnt Ends are truly the only thing you will need at your Labor Day barbecue besides a cold beer and a Trump flag, of course.

You had me at Candied Sausage Burnt Ends

You can also do all these first steps in advance, set them aside in a foil tray and bring them camping! Yes, camping! Just throw that foil tray on your campfire grate. Let them heat up and serve with Momma’s Best Baked Beans.

Candied Sausage Burnt Ends

1 pound of Farmer John’s Louisiana Style Sausages

2 teaspoons yellow mustard

1 teaspoon barbecue seasoning

1 teaspoon brown sugar

Massage those Sodium Tubes of Joy with some yellow mustard. Season them with your favorite barbecue seasoning. Grill.

Once those Backyard Meat Torpedos are looking nice and cooked and not full of any salmonella at all, let them cool. Then slice them into bite-sized pieces. Layer them in a foil tray. Sprinkle those Meat Mysteries with brown sugar and barbeque sauce in the foil tray. Now return them to your barbecue, on a lowered heat for about 30-45 minutes until the sauce has reduced and become a bit sticky.

Serve these on a toothpick with a spicy Famous Dave’s Pickle and a chunk of sharp cheddar.