Merry Christmas Crackheads

   Tonight I survived Del Taco.
   I’m a foodie, and I do not eat fast food, like, ever.
   I eat things like sushi, goat cheese and liver.
   A macho meal? Excuse me? What does that even mean?
   Tonight, Christmas Eve, I tried to go to my favorite hole in the wall Mexican place. Okay, yes I realize that this is not much healthier for me or my heart than McDonald’s or Burger King, but Damn it, their guacamole is just so good, and I know their chicken tacos taste nothing like chicken and are probably most likely cat from the animal hospital next door, but I don’t care.
  It is shameful, but like most every one in the Inland Empire, I love me some El Burrito.
   Even the most die hard foodie craves cheese and chips after a hard eight hour shift, right?
   (For the record, cheese and chips is just that; hand made tortilla chips in all of their simplicity with a ton of melted cheese. They are not nachos, they are what nachos dream of being)
   They are glorious.
   El Burrito was closed so my coworkers decided on Del Taco instead.
   Obviously not my choice.
   I have not been to a Del Taco since 2003.
   I’m very new to this whole Del Taco experience, is it normal to feel that the tattooed three hundred pound ex felon sitting to the left of you might stab you at any moment?
   Seriously, I expected his girl friend to pull a knife from her big ass hair at any moment and stab me for asking for mustard, lots and lots of mustard (And why am I so obsessed with mustard this week?)
   I failed at Del Taco..
   “Oh my chili cheese fries don’t come with sour cream? Can I get some on the side?”
  Than Amy asked for a extra side of chips, than Dan wanted to substitute an iced coffee for his combo drink, than Jared wanted to be buzzed into the bathroom (Seriously, what kind of restaurant do you need to be buzzed into the bathroom?)
   What I’m trying to say is we caused a big ass commotion at Del Taco.
   But I think they liked us because none of us had neck tattoos.
   Or were paying with EBT.
   All night at work, I heard customers say to me
   “Oh you poor thing, working on Christmas Eve” and all I think is I’m thankful I have a job this Christmas when millions of Americans don’t.
   I went to dinner tonight with five great friends and I might have inhaled a saturated fat filled meal but it was with a group of friends who shared some great laughs (While secretly hoping the thug in the corner would not sober up and stab us)
   Merry Christmas Eve from the 909.
  The best thing I have to say about Del Taco?
   Their mustard was delicious.


  1. opinion8dhermit

    My horrid foodie secret is I love Del Taco. There, I said it. I can justify my choice here, when I was super gluten intolerant and working full time and going to school full time- often not eating a bite from noon till 9:30, Del Taco became a staple. They have these street tacos that if the certain Del Taco is friendly, will add guacamole. Then you douse it in hot sauce and lime. So much better than the everything-tastes-the-same-like-dog-food Taco Bell.

    I know it is a sin. But until there is a real taquieria, that won’t give me three months worth of diarrhea, that is in a place where I don’t have to lock my doors and watch my back…Del it is. Besides, it is great for people watching!

  2. opinion8dhermit

    Okay I am hogging your comments.
    The Ensenada street taqueria
    gave me the worst diarrhea
    I must have a lot of sass
    to be passing that much gas
    The charcoaled mystery meat
    Sure went through my intestine in a beat
    but I am stil craving that guacamole
    even if I smell unholy

    And with that….merry Christmas!

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