F is for… Farting with my Armpits; A How to Guide

     I realize I have not written about bodily functions in a while, which is kind of weird since I have the sense of humor of a twelve year old boy and I make these kind of jokes a lot.
    Last night at work my coworker was peppering the story I was trying to tell with arm fit farts.
    It was hilarious, mainly just to me.
    It literally took me fifteen minutes to tell MY story because I was laughing so hard the entire time.
    I changed my New Years resolution last night.
    It was to start taking my vitamins every day.
    My new New Years Resolution is learn to make a armpit fart.

    I googled it and the article I found said how to teach your six year old how to make an armpit fart but whatever;
    if a six year old can do it surely I can right?
    Of course there are a lot of six year old who can swim and I cant, but I think I can master this.
    I feel the punchline of my jokes will be WAY funnier if I can throw in an armpit fart or two.
    And really, who would expect it out of a girl?!
    Especially a thirty two year old girl.

   I honestly can not remember where I found the following quote from, but I felt I needed to share it some how.

Why is it totally ok to make armpit farts in the parking lot?

But once you’re inside the funeral parlor there are no farts, armpit or otherwise, allowed?

You’d think dead people were beyond caring who farts and who doesn’t or where any farts might originate from.

Wtf, dead people, wtf???

    While researching how to make the perfect arm pit fart yesterday I came across that quote and just couldn’t leave it out.
    According to Yahooquestions.com or something like that

Stick your hand under your armpit and close your arm.
The web-like connection between the thumb and index finger should be firmly placed under the arm in a way where air will struggle to pass. Think of it as if you are trying to grab your armpit but your hand can’t reach over your shoulder.

In a swift movement, close your arm. If its not working, reposition your hand accordingly.

    Well, I tried this method, just like I tried to swim, I tried to learning to whistle and I tried to learn how to snap my fingers.
   I may be one hell of a cook, so at least I have one skill, but when it comes to arm pit noises, I fail.


  1. in the coop

    I didn’t want to be creepy and comment on all of the posts, but wanted you to know that I enjoyed reading all your letter choices. Bummer you couldn’t get a deer photo.
    I can’t armpit fart either, despite the fact that my boys can all the live long day.

Comments are closed.