Here in 2026, if you use AI to create high-quality food photos in the wilderness — mostly because in real life you’re inhaling your keto charcuterie lunch like a feral raccoon before you can even unlock your phone — I can almost guarantee someone from a concrete jungle suburb with a name like Thousand Weeping Oaks will appear in your comments.
You know the type.
Profile photo: Live, Laugh, Chardonnay.
Location: Gated community.
Outdoor experience: Trader Joe’s parking lot.
And she will inform you, very confidently, that you are “basically asking to be mauled by a bear” and are, in her expert opinion, a “real dumb-dumb.” I feel like this is happening to me a lot lately. I blame all the FB groups like So Cal Hikers, who encourage people to lace up their brand new Hoka hiking boots, download the All-Trails app to their iPhone 17 and park their Rivian at the nearest trailhead not more than a fifteen-minute drive from their home.
True story.
I actually had to explain — slowly and with small words — that no, I did not carry a reclaimed wooden farmhouse table, fifteen ingredients, linen napkins, and my favorite chopping knife six miles up a trail just to do it “for the Insta.”
It’s called imagination, Karen.
Also Wi-Fi.
First of all, this photo is obviously AI-generated. I did not hike six miles carrying an aged wooden farmhouse table and a charcuterie board like some kind of woodland Martha Stewart. I’m 45 years old and have the back and ankles of a 70-year-old. How would this actually be possible?
Our Local Black Bears – Zero Interest in You, High Interest in Your Charcuterie
Secondly, we do not have aggressive bears here in Big Bear Lake, California. The California black bear is not a grizzly auditioning for a horror film. The California black bear keeps to themselves. They avoid humans. They are basically introverts with fur.
They will not try to eat tourists. As Big Bear Lake’s top-rated hiking guide, I’m on these trails with my clients and my adventure dog seven days a week. It’s been years since I’ve even seen one of our local bears out here — and I spend significantly more time in the forest than most people spend scrolling Facebook from a subdivision called Whispering Gables.
Trail Safety Tip: Fear the Fake News, Not the Forest
I promise you: the most dangerous thing on our trails is misinformation from the tourists who just showed up in a Tesla and leave their blue-bagged dog poo on the sides of our trails.
When I’m not complaining about being trolled online by bored housewives with giant Stanley sippy cups, you can usually find me trekk
ing through the snowy forest or snuggling my Norwegian Forest Cat. Or fixing something absolutely keto and so delicious for lunch.
After a morning spent wondering whether I’d somehow been transported back to high school and was being bullied by blue-haired activists named Meadow and Juniper, then hiking twelve miles with clients, yes— by noon I’m ready for a keto lunch the size of a congressional spending bill. And the more cheese involved, the better. I’m looking for keto comfort food with enough cheese to qualify as a controlled substance.
Keto Hawaiian Pizza Bites – Because Therapy Is Expensive and Pineapple Is Cheaper
Sometimes social media just gives me a headache. And that is why I find mys
elf escaping into a snowy winter wonderland, or possibly pet-snuggling therapy. We all have our vices. Mine involves lots of cheese, an obsession with hiking and snowshoeing.
These keto bites are a low-carb lunch I can have ready in under 15 minutes. You can absolutely do these with any of your favorite pizza toppings. I highly recommend the Cabrillo chiles and the cashews, but I am that weirdo who is obsessed with cashews on her pizza. I’m also one of those people who loves pineapple on their pizza. Feel free to judge me!
I judge people who bag their dog poo and leave it behind!
Keto Hawaiian Pizza Bites – Because My Blood Sugar Needed Boundaries
6 slices of mozzarella cheese
6 slices of good-quality ham
1/4 cup pizza sauce
2 teaspoons salted cashews
1/2 a teaspoon of Cabrillo chiles
2 fresh sliced pineapple rings, chopped (Don’t even think of using canned pineapple)
Preheat your oven to high broil. Lay out your mozzarella cheese slices. On your cheese slices, layer the pizza sauce, cashews, a tiny bit of those spicy chiles, and the ham. Broil these keto bites for about 6 minutes until the cheese and ham are cooked. Serve warm with more pizza sauce if you would like.
I swear, these are so delicious you will never even miss the pizza dough! But if you do, check out this great recipe for a Sourdough Pizza Dough!
Comments
Sounds delicious! I love this!