High-Protein Potato Salad Because Apparently Protein Is the State of the Union

You know you live for snowshoe adventures when you still set your alarm for dawn — even after your home tried to become a low-budget horror film at 2 a.m.

But we survived. Barely. All of us, every single pet in our cabin, and most of the houseplants.

Some of us are sleep-deprived. Some of us are now deeply suspicious of houseplants. And some (Okay, all) of the cats have forgotten that the Botanphobia incident of 2026 ever happened.

Here in Big Bear Lake, California, we’re having what can only be described as a tropical heatwave.

In February.

I know some of you in upstate New York — Buffalo, I see you — are currently freezing your tail feathers off. And yes, you still have the best Spicy Buffalo Chicken in the nation. You’re probably rolling your eyes at this so-called outdoor guide snowshoeing in shorts through five feet of wet, sticky, aggressively melting snow.

But here’s the thing: I don’t want sixty-five and sunny. I want twenty degrees and fresh powder in this high-elevation ski town. Beach vibes and vitamin D in late February sound great in theory, but as I spray another layer of SPF on my winter-white legs, I know I should be wrestling fleece-lined snow pants instead.

Instead, I’m squinting at the TV, trying to stay awake for the State of the Union at 10 p.m. on the East Coast, wondering how 79-year-old Donald Trump is more alert than I am — and he doesn’t even drink coffee.

Then again, maybe Forty-Seven wasn’t jolted awake at 2 a.m. by what can only be described as a Botanical Four-Legged Friend Frenzy the night before. Yes, last night, my dog was almost murdered by an indoor mint bush.

Not gently tipped over. Not brushed aside.

Launched.

At 2 a.m.

We were jolted awake by growling, howling, and what can only be described as Catahoula-level existential screaming. My boyfriend and I bolted upright, fully convinced someone had broken into the house.

The sounds? Violent. Primal. Like a pack of hyenas had invaded the living room.

At 2 a.m., when you’re jolted awake by growling, howling, and a full-blown Catahoula war

cries, your brain does not think, “Oh, a houseplant fell over.”

No.

You think someone has broken into your home.

My boyfriend and I launched out of bed like we were auditioning for a home security commercial, convinced we were seconds away from confronting a midnight intruder. The sounds coming from the living room were not normal. They were dramatic. Violent. Primal.

For a solid thirty seconds, we were certain we were about to meet our deductible.

When you live in Southern California in 2026, you don’t assume “quirky accident.” You assume crime. You assume chaos. So there we were, adrenaline surging, hearts pounding, preparing for a full guard-dog showdown…

Only to discover the true villain was botanical: a wayward, once organic mint plant.

Somehow, the entire potted bush yeeted itself off a table, hit the floor, and the ceramic base chased my terrified dog across the hardwood like it had a personal vendetta.

By the time we stumbled into the living room — me, dizzy from standing up too fast and nearly passing out like Victorian women with fainting couches — we found:

• Soil everywhere.
• A shattered planter.
• One shivering, traumatized dog.
• And what remains of the homicidal herb.

We have named the plant Dexter.

Our normally peaceful nighttime Zootopia of pets now includes one dog with full-blown botanophobia.

By 6 a.m., the living room looked like a gardener’s crime scene. Dirt in the rug. Mint leaves in places mint leaves should never be. A dog staring at the corner like it owes her money.

And yet.

I still had six miles to snowshoe.
Firewood to haul.
Dinner to cook and somehow stay awake still at 6 p.m. to judge a State of the Union Address from my couch.
And enough mental clarity left to function like a responsible adult.

High-Protein Potato Salad for a Nation That Runs on Protein & Opinions

In our mostly-keto household, we pretend carbs don’t exist.

But when you’ve been awake since 2 a.m. because your dog fought a mint bush, sometimes you look at your life and say:

“Pass the potatoes.”

Enter: high-protein potato salad.

Yes, it’s trendy. Yes, it has extra protein. Yes, apparently in 2026 we are legally required to add protein to everything — including our feelings.

This is not your grandma’s mayo swamp. This is a high-protein potato salad made with Greek yogurt, fresh herbs (the nonviolent kind), and enough actual substance to feel like you made a responsible adult decision.

The Balsamic Chicken Thighs are crisping in the air fryer. The soil has been vacuumed. The dog has been emotionally stabilized. And Donald Trump is apparently back to being the circus rin

gleader — at least that’s what every liberal news rag informed me this morning.

Hey, at least this potato salad is chock full of protein.

Because if 2026 has taught me anything, it’s this: One, Donald Trump can’t thank a combat veteran for their service without being called a circus act.
And two, I am being aggressively pressured by the media and every Instagram influencer alive to add more protein to everything I consume.

So fine.

Here’s your high-protein potato salad that tastes like comfort and poor midnight decisions. (Thanks, most beloved pets)

High-Protein Potato Salad: Making Dinner Great Again By Adding Protein to Everything

1/2 cup of mayonnaise

1/2 of a lemon

1/4 cup Greek yogurt

1/2 cup of cottage cheese

1/8 cup chopped fresh dill

1/8 cup chopped fresh parsley

1/8 cup chopped fresh chives

1/2 cup chopped celery

1 teaspoon of salt

1 teaspoon freshly cracked pepper

1 teaspoon red pepper flakes

3 teaspoons olive oil

3/4 cup pre-cooked rotisserie chicken, shredded

6 slices of bacon

4 large Dutch potatoes, boiled to fork-tender and set aside

Preheat your oven to 400. Smother your potatoes in the olive oil and dust with the salt and pepper. Roast for 22 minutes, then flip them. Bake them another 25 minutes. They should be very crispy. Set the potatoes aside while you make the salad.

In a NutriBullet, blend the cottage cheese, chives, parsley, dill, Greek yogurt, lemon juice and mayonnaise. Chop the potatoes up into bite-sized pieces. In a large bowl, mix your chopped celery, shredded chicken, potatoes, bacon, red pepper flakes, and lastly, the dressing. Mix well and serve.