Pork sausage and pork butt should not be considered “boujie ingredients,” but welcome to life in California over the past ten-plus years, where basic groceries have somehow become a financial commitment.
Back in 2012, California voters passed Prop 12 — essentially giving farm animals more re
al estate than most West Hollywood studio apartments and promptly pushing a good number of California hog farmers straight out of business. The idea, of course, was that farm animals have feelings. Which is fine. But now we’re living in a state where “affordable pork” is basically a myth whispered about in Walmart aisles across the rest of America.
Because when “cheap” pork is pushing $2.99 a pound here, while the rest of the country is casually grabbing pork butt for under a dollar, something is clearly off.
This is Trump Country; buckle up, buttercup.
As May Day rolls in here in Southern California, we might — might — finally be seeing a little relief for the California farmer. The House just passed a new Farm Bill with changes that could potentially roll back some of that Prop 12 gibberish. About damn time. Maybe we can inch our way back toward a version of reality where groceries don’t feel like luxury imports.
And yes, for those keeping score at home, Donald Trump has been vocal about supporting this 2026 Farm Bill and backing California farme
rs — which explains why the overwhelming majority of farmers threw their support his way in the last election. Turns out, when your livelihood depends on agriculture, you tend to vote for the guy who doesn’t make raising livestock feel like a regulatory obstacle course.
Finally—some good news for California grocery bills. And for anyone who’s had to listen to me complain for the last decade about not being able to buy veal in California. One big thing about life in California is that our legislators and the vapid individuals who support PETA and consistently vote in this bright blue state feel that farm animals have feelings, too.
Of course, if you ask ChatGPT to write you a firmly worded snippet about how the blue-haired hippies in this state think that farm animals have as many rights as leftists who need unisex restrooms, well, AI will basically call you an asshole for using the term ‘Blue Haired Hippie.” True story. I could not make this up if I tried, even in 2026. Hey ChatGPT, I told you to make my writing more Gutfeld, less middle-aged food blogger who hasn’t slept in six months. Please don’t tone down my organic political snark. Living off of three hours of sleep, I’m just as bitchy as DJT except here I am tearing up dirt roads in my Jeep SUV and also strapping on a pair of hiking boots, instead of just aggressively tweeting from the White House.
Meanwhile, here in California, we’ve got leadership that seems more emotionally invested in a tiny blue fish called the Delta Smelt than the people actually growing our food. And yes, while it may feel like every trip to Trader Joe’s is surrounded by vegans loading up on tofu, hummus, and nutritional yeast, the reality is most Californians are still feeding their families meat.
And that meat has to come from somewhere.
Now, while I was aggressively procrastinating this morning — aka doomscrolling instead of putting on my hiking boots — I stumbled across something that made my inner country gal downright giddy: Big Bear Lake is hosting its first-ever western showmanship rodeo this September.
And honestly? Huzzah.
Calf roping, bull riding, barbecue, country music, line dancing, kids riding sheep — the whole wholesome, dusty, all-American situation. A family-friendly event if there ever was one. Naturally, the Big Bear Kamala-voting communities’ reaction online has already been… exactly what you’d expect.
It’s not even Mother’s Day yet, and the kaftan-wearing crowd is already spiraling on social media about an event that hasn’t even happened yet. Because in 2026, apparently, a rodeo — yes, a rodeo — cannot possibly exist without triggering a full-blown Facebook meltdown about animal rights.
Hey assholes, this country was founded by cowboys. The West wasn’t won on tofu.
And while we may not technically be living in the Wild West anymore, agriculture still supports roughly 49 million U.S. jobs. That’s a lot of farmers, ranchers, wranglers, and horse people who are probably not losing sleep over your quinoa-based moral outrage. All because the blue-haired brigade thinks farm animals should have equal billing.
Meanwhile, back in the mountains — yes, even in California — we’re still getting snow in May. Which means after a long morning hiking through a cold, pine-scented forest with my Adventure Dog, there’s only one logical next step:
Something hot, hearty, and unapologetically pork-filled.
Breakfast, Burritos & Bad Decisions: A Southern Gravy meets Pacific Ocean Breakfast Burrito
Enter: California-style Biscuits and Gravy.
My Adventure Dog may not understand small-town drama, agricultural policy, or rodeo controversy — but she absolutely understands the smell of sausage gravy hitting a hot skillet by brunch time. And honestly, same.
Now, I know this recipe will offend at least 4 groups of Californians:
- People who don’t eat pork
- People who think gluten is a hate crime
- People who think gravy should come with a warning label
- 4. And of course every vegan on the West Coast.
But for the rest of us? This is comfort food at its finest.
Build Your Burrito Like Government Spending: Add Everything
I may not be from the South, but as a California foodie, I deeply respect a proper plate of biscuits and gravy. That said, I am a California foodie, which means I will absolutely take that same gravy, wrap it in a tortilla, throw in some avocado, pickled jalapeños, maybe some pickled red onions, and call it a Sausage Gravy Breakfast Burrito without a shred of regret. Feel free to call it, Paula Deen makes a breakfast burrito. Because, as I previously stated, I am a California foodie. I’m sure I will offend Californians who don’t eat pork and also find gluten as offensive as rodeos.
Gravy, avocado, and early morning delights: A Breakfast Burrito Love Story
Sure, you’re not finding this avocado-loaded, gravy-filled masterpiece in New Orleans. But if you’ve just hiked a mountain at sunrise, burned through every calorie in your body, and are now standing in your kitchen slightly feral and in need of sustenance? This is the breakfast burrito you’ve been dreaming about since mile one.
Put down the hiking poles. Pick up the hot sauce. And prepare to not miss traditional biscuits for even a second (Although — if you do — you absolutely need to try my Cabin Queen Cheddar Corn Bomb Biscuits, because we’re not monsters.) And yes, this is probably the exact kind of breakfast the coastal elites warned you about. Let’s be honest — life in Southern California is already a little unhinged.
Why should breakfast be any different?
Eggs, Gravy, and Avocado: A Beautiful Regional Breakfast Burrito Conflict
Purple gravy
1/2 a pound of ground breakfast sausage
1 shallot, chopped fine
1 clove of fresh garlic, minced
1 teaspoon of butter
1 teaspoon chopped fresh sage
1 teaspoon chopped thyme
1 teaspoon Aleppo pepper, ground
1 teaspoon ground black pepper
3 teaspoons of flour
1 teaspoon of salt
1/2 cup of milk
1/4 cup of cream
Burrito Fillings Worth Waking Up For
Good quality, large flour tortillas
Scrambled eggs (Use duck eggs if you want to get really fancy and higher in protein)
Sliced raw avocado with salt and pepper
Grated sharp cheddar cheese (The sharper the better)
A dash of your favorite hot sauce
Crumble the sausage in a very hot skillet. Paula Deen says to use a cast-iron skillet, but I don’t judge. Once the sausage is cooked, add in the butter and the shallots until well-cooked. Add in your sage, thyme and the garlic clove just until the garlic is fragrant and slightly cooked. Sprinkle your flour over the top and cook until the flour loses that well, raw flour taste. If the flour starts to catch, add just a bit of water and keep stirring.
Grab a whisk and add in the dairy. Whisk and whisk and whisk on a lower flame until your sauce begins to thicken and there are no lumps. Mix in the salt, pepper, and Aleppo pepper. From here, you can set your gravy aside until you are starving and ready to finish your burrito.
When you are ready to create the best blue-state-meets-red-state burrito, add all your favorite hearty ingredients to that tortilla, roll it up, shove it at your hungry face, and call it Brunch Time!
