Korean Tempura Cauliflower Crack

I don’t suggest doing crack but I do suggest frying up this delicious spicy breaded cauliflower. If you happen to be Hunter Biden you might want to put down that ‘ol crackpipe and pick up some tempura style cauliflower instead. As a healthy food blogger, I highly recommend it in fact. I’m personally not a fan of drugs I mean besides my 800 MG Ibuprofen I take for my degenerate disk disease but fried foods are kind of like crack to me.

Hunter Biden
See this lovely painted wall behind me? This is the wallet. Do not enjoy repainting.

Instead of making you skinny and your teeth falling out, fried foods make me bloated, lazy and not exactly feeling like a fitness fanatic food blogger. But yet sometimes I just have to give in to some tempura. If I’m going to punish my body with some addicting fried foods it better be high quality and it better be spicy. This sweet and spicy gochujang sauce is addicting by itself. You might want to make extra, just saying.

That one time I painted our house like a crackhead

Four years ago I painted our entire two-story thirty-three hundred square foot house after an incident where I accidentally splashed cedar wood stain on part of the back wall. Wopsy. I learned my lesson about being a hyper chipmunk while attempting home repairs. Last night while creating a stunning Asian fusion feast outdoors in the barbeque Amber’s outdoor kitchen area, I may have splattered some grease on the four years ago freshly painted wall. I am not repainting the house this summer!

Adventures are to be had in the eastern Sierras. And maybe some Cauliflower Crack.

Instead, I’m taking my dog on a vacation. (I mean after I scrub the wall with a combination of baking soda and Dawn dish soap) Do you think this vacation dog is spoiled? She is the luckiest dog alive I’m quite sure at this point. It all started eleven years ago when she was rescued from our small town, Big Bear Lake’s kill shelter on her last day. Since then, she has tried our patience pretty much each and every day (Kind of like Hunter Biden) but we still take her on vacations to Yellowstone National Park and all over the eastern Sierras.

Hunter Biden
An old lady dog in her element.

Last week the pup and I had a girl’s trip to the southern Sierra’s where we hiked to hidden alpine lakes, and my pup dreamt that I would let her chase the deer we saw trailside. At this point, my old lady dog is so old and so deaf, she couldn’t even hear the marmots I stalked trailside with my camera. Yes, adorable marmots are one of my favorite outdoor creatures and I saw so many on these two days we trekked near the Cottonwood Lakes. (I counted nearly twenty marmots. My old lady dog saw one)

We trekked upwards of fifteen miles a day and I tried to work off some of those Cauliflower Crack calories I inhaled over the weekend. No regrets. This had to be some of the all-time best tempura-like treats I have ever inhaled in my life and that includes the week we spent gorging on Cantonese food like Hunter Biden on prostitutes while we were in Hong Kong a few years before the pandemic.

Are you a hardcore trail trekker? Are you looking for that perfect after a fifteen-mile deep-fried treat that your exhausted body deserves? You have to try my Cauliflower Crack! This Cauliflower Crack is so good, that even Hunter Biden approves!


Korean Tempura Cauliflower Crack

1 head of Asian cauliflower, sliced very thin

1/2 cup cake flour

1 cup potato starch

1 teaspoon white pepper

1 teaspoon salt

Hunter Biden

Korean Gochujang Sauce

1 teaspoon rice wine vinegar

3/4 cups mirin

2 teaspoons brown sugar

1/4 cup water

1 teaspoon grated ginger

1 teaspoon grated garlic

2 teaspoons gochujang sauce

3 teaspoons soy sauce

2 teaspoons dijon mustard

Firstly, combine all sauce ingredients in a saucepan for about 5-10 minutes until the sauce thickens and reduces. Set aside.

The biggest tip I have for making the best cauliflower tempura ever, you can call it Cauliflower Crack, is you have to fry the tempura twice. I do this outside on our BBQ so I can deep fry on the stovetop and set the cauliflower pieces to drain the oil on the grill.