I Can’t Belive it’s not Wart Remover

My lips were chapped. It was serious.

It was bed time and I was going to bed, sleeping on the couch of a friends who has three young children. I personally absolutely can not sleep without Chapstick on my lips.

On top of that, my sunburnt lips were already hurting and I was in desperate need of Chapstick, vasoline or anything really.

I opened up the children’s medicine cabinet. There had to be Chapstick in there or maybe a lip balm. I didn’t care if it had a Pokémon on it or whatever the kids are into these days.

And then my fingers stumbled upon wart remover.

All at once I had to realize I was not in a twenty somethings bathroom but a child’s bathroom as I threw the wart remover on the tile floor like it would have burned my delicate none diaper stained fingers.

I probably will not catch a STD at this bathroom.

It’s not a club in Vegas, but when you are child free you see the words;
Wart Remover
And you panic.

Than I saw a thermometer on the counter and just assumed it had been in an asshole with the luck I had for this evening.

Forget raiding the kitchen for coconut oil for my parched lips.

I was going to bed chapped.

I give up!

I would like to say this story had a happy ending but after half an hour laying in bed unable to sleep my lips aching, I ended up searching my friends pantry high and low for olive oil, coconut oil, anything oil based really and found nothing for my lips.

So I sprayed I can’t believe it’s not butter on them from the fridge.

And then dreamt about popcorn all night.



    This was hilarious! We ran the AC last night for the first time in a while and I woke up feeling like all the moisture had been sucked from my mouth, lips, and skin. I wish I had thought of lip balm before bed. Now, I will! 🙂

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