The World is Big and I Want to get a Good Look at it Before it gets Dark and Everyone has Coronavirus

It’s a rainy snowy late winters day in Big Bear, California and I don’t have Coronavirus, yet. My solution to not get Coronavirus is to stay out in nature away from the germs, the sneezes and the runny noses of the masses. This is a lot easier when I just got Coronavirused out of a job for the time being. I’m a seasonal employee at Santa Anita Park in Arcadia, a gorgeous race track in California where long-limbed Thoroughbred racehorses gallop in front of our vintage green grandstand while hardcore gamblers cough up disgusting mucus and then spit it on the floor. Literally I have had someone sneeze in my face at work before, so yes, I do work in a germ factory. Disneyland may be the happiest place on earth and it is somehow still open when Santa Anita Park has shut its doors to the public, and I feel like Disneyland must be just chock full of germs, not to mention full of travelers coming from all over the country. As much as I love my job, and adore working at the racetrack I’m quite happy to be far away from other people’s germs. Deep into the forest is the best place to go to get away from sickness and pandemics. But before I could hike and ignore civilization I had to go to Costco.

On Friday morning I tried to purchase some delicious Kirkland brand pinot grigio from Costco, which should have been easy before work errand except I forgot about the Coronavirus pandamonium. I parked at my local Costco at 9;20 and there were literally fifty people waiting to get in. Hmm, they must open at 9;30 on Fridays, I thought. Grabbing my shopping list (Wine, wine and some almonds) a shopping cart and my big ass Costco size reusable shopping bag, I went to join the masses. And then waited for half an hour. They did open at ten a.m. and by ten a.m. there were three hundred people waiting to get into Costco to buy three things; TP, bottled water and Clorox bleach. I was the only one smart enough to stock up on dry white wine. Also, are we the only Americans that have bidets in our bathroom? I think in our household we are the only family to not go mad over the hysteria to buy toilet paper. My dad loves to retell a story and has told me at least six times about waiting in line to get gas in the seventies. Well, millennials, this toilet paper shortage is our 1973 Oil Crisis but with fewer cars involved and with many more poop jokes.

Dad tells baby Violet about waiting for gas in the ’70s. She is only one and has now heard this story 3 times.

Aside from the pandemonium to buy toilet paper, has the world gone completely mad in the wake of Coronavirus? Here we are in the year 2020; We can set our thermostat in our house from our iPhone from miles away from home. We have cars that practically drive themselves, we can order practically anything delivered right to our front door from apps like Amazon or walmart.com but yet we have to be reminded how to wash our hands? Isn’t handwashing something we learned in grammar school? It was something I learned in Kindergarten! As human beings are we adults not as smart as kindergartners? Well, all y’all voting for Comrade Bernie Sanders in November are telling me yes.

For example, in my life, I’m taking over my ninety-year-old grandma’s grocery errands. The worse thing right now is for elderly people or people with weakened immune systems to be in a very public place where they can come into contact with an infected person. Grandma really should not be going to Costco. Do you have elderly relatives or friends with weakened immune systems who need help with grocery shopping or other errands? During an epidemic like Coronavirus, this is the time to step up and help neighbors.

Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt

~John Muir (A dude who would have survived the Coronavirus because he was in the forest and not at Disneyland)

Everyone is asking themselves, how will I survive the Coronavirus? Maybe the answer is to run far away from the masses. Don’t go to Disneyland. Work from home, and above all else, get outside away from other germy humans. All over the world, concerts are being canceled. Colleges are teaching from home. Even my workplace canceled all none essential hands-on jobs for the next month probably. For my lifestyle, the answer is quite simple. The solution to not get Coronavirus is to get away from the masses and go out into nature. Don’t go to a sports ball game. Stay away from crowded malls. Go for a hike. Smell the pine-filled air after a spring thunderstorm. There’s no one out here to sneeze on you! Take your pup for a walk on a deserted mountain trail. maybe I don’t get the pandemonium over this pandemic because my daily life has me out hiking trails mile away from civilization and not shoulder to shoulder with the masses in public places.

Take Fido’s health into account as well as your own

I know, I know, if you do get the Coronavirus it will be hard to be away from your pets for two weeks but self quarantining is just that; A quarantine. Two different friends of mine told me this week if they get the Coronavirus they will not self-quarantine from their pets. The CDC does not know one hundred percent if Coronavirus will affect your pooch or kitty cat. Earlier in the week the CDC was saying don’t have your pets near you at all if you have the Coronavirus, now the news is changing by the minute and they really don’t know, with minimal evidence at this point, aside from a random Pomeranian in Hong Kong, if the Coronavirus can affect your pup or cat. I personally would rather than be safe then put my loved pet’s health at risk. Besides the fact if you do get Coronavirus, you can’t bleach or Clorox wipe your pets to keep the germs off them and away from others.  I can’t believe people are so selfish that they would put their pets needs in jeopardy

Let’s thank the Lord, for many reasons that we don’t live in China. In China, the government is actually going door to door killing pets just in case they are infected with the Coronavirus.

Have a Coronavirus plan in place

It’s such an American problem to be in a pure panic because you may run out of toilet paper. Am I the only American that has a bidet in every bathroom? If we run out of TP tough shit. That being said being prepared for when, not if, the Coronavirus hits your town is a great idea.

Let’s face it. A lot of people in every town across America are going to get the Coronavirus sooner or later. Be prepared. Have a self-quarantine plan. Yes, we are all making fun of those people buying all the TP at Costco but really, ask yourself, what would I do if Coronavirus was going to affect my life? If you live in a big city I think it would be a lot easier to self quarantine at home. These days you can use apps like Instacart to have groceries delivered and even Whole Foods and Costco delivers in Big Cities now.

We, however, live in a rural small town and yes, we can order our TP and kitty litter from Amazon but when it comes to having specific fresh food items on hand, it;’s a good idea to stock up just in case. Our plan in case anyone in our family needs to self-quarantine is to turn our RV into Coronavirus Land. That way the quarantined person is away from the rest of the family.

Being prepared for a national disaster like Coronavirus is being proactive. Of course, at my parent’s house, they believe in really stocking up. Why do you need forty sponges? I’m not quite sure but here at Little Costco located in Running Springs, California, my dad has enough sponges to survive the Coronavirus.

• Call elderly neighbors to make sure they are prepared and stocked up.
• Order a few good books to have on hand in case you do get self-quarantined.
• Make sure you are fully stocked with food for your pets and a backup plan to take care of them in case you have to self-quarantine.

The best plan, in my opinion, to not get Coronavirus is just to stay the hell away from people. Go into the forest. Go for a hike. Breathe in the fresh air. It’s good for your heart, your lungs and your soul. And I doubt you will find any COVID-19 among the pine trees and the squirrels.