Why Im Terrified of Figs, Oh And Also A Recipe for Bacon Wrapped Figs with Brie

  I have a Fig Newton Phobia. Weird I know. But until you have had been forced to make Fig Newton’s at gun point you really can’t understand.
     Okay maybe it didn’t happen exactly like that.
     One time when I was a child of about seven or eight my mom made the mistake of sending my father to the grocery store. This was never a good idea. Usually he would come back with 18 bottles of whatever soda was on sale and 12 pints of whatever ice cream was cheap. Do you see why diabetes runs in our family? One time he skipped the grocery store entirely because Burger King was running a special on Whopper’s. So he bought about 50 whopper’s, froze them all and that’s what he fed us kids all summer long when my mom was working late. Defrosted Whoppers. This may also be why I hate fast food and don’t really care for red meat.
     So as far as I could tell Food for Less must have had a sale on figs because my father brought home a huge shopping bag of figs and told us kids we were going to help him make homemade Fig Newton’s.
     Now this really should not have been a traumatic experience, but it was summer time, the kitchen was sweltering hot (And smelled like old Burger King) and us kids just wanted to go outside and play with our friends. Instead dad sat us down and made us peel all those damn figs one at a time. I remember it took HOURS and all of us kids were crying. I’m pretty sure my dad was yelling at us for not having fun, too. Then, my mom came home from work, tired and sweaty from a long day of cleaning rich peoples houses in Lake Arrowhead. So she started yelling at my father because,lets face it, the kitchen was a disaster. I remember a lot of yelling and a lot of crying. And that is why to this day figs piss me off. But here’s a recipe with them wrapped in bacon, so they have to be good, right?Bacon wrapped figs with Brie

1 package apple wood smoked bacon
20 figs
brie, cut into pieces
raw honey
olive oil
chili powder

Cut a slice in each fig. Try to jam a piece of cheese in the hole, quickly wrap a piece of bacon around it. When all are wrapped, drizzle with honey, olive oil and chili powder. Bake at 400 about 12 minutes until the bacon starts to cook, Roll the figs over. Bake about 10 more minutes or longer if the bacon is not done as much as you like.


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