Doesn’t everyone pack a Donald Trump pool floatie for their girls getaway camping trip? No? Just me? Well, that explains the glares I got at every alpine lake I hiked to in the Eastern Sierra. But whatever—this was my last summertime outdoor woman hurrah before trading swimsuits for sweaters and Ugg boots. I was damn well going to float around with the disembodied head of 47 if I wanted to. Even if it meant risking yet another mass unfriending from my liberal Facebook acquaintances. Again. Whatever, I will just drown my September sorrows in healthy fall muffin recipes.
Of course, “vacationing” in the Eastern Sierra isn’t all serene lake swims and muffin-fueled hikes. By 5 a.m., my campground soundtrack was propane heaters clicking on, water pumps groaning, and me staggering around like a cranky popsicle because I forgot to pack a sleeping bag. Yes, a sleeping bag. For a camping trip. In the mountains. In August.
Camping like a liberal dumb-dumb high on shrooms, baking like a champ
Now, I’m no stranger to camping at Silver Lake, up in the high altitude California mountains of the Eastern Sierra in August. I also am always hot when I sleep. When I packed for this trip back at our home cabin in Big Bear Lake, California, we had been going t
hrough a heatwave. I felt like I hadn’t been a humid hot sleeper in months. One summertime happy hour as I packed my Jeep full of camp toilet, sleeping pads, dog bed and everything camp kitchen, I thought I don’t need a sleeping bag. I am mountain woman! I then slammed some more Pinot Grigio, locked the Jeep so the neighborhood crackhead wouldn’t break in, and went to sleep and forgot that I had not packed the good ‘ol sleeping bag.
Thankfully, Mammoth’s DIY store saved me with a reasonably priced bag (and some cute kitty cats to snuggle while I debated whether frostbite was a valid excuse for being this disorganized). Thank the Lord, because this late summertime vacation was more about the great outdoors, mainly hiking and swimming. Not so much about retail shopping. I’m not the kind of vacation gal to go on holiday just to walk around a mall.
Fast forward: five days of hiking, alpine lake cold plunges, and slowly realizing I cannot suck in my stomach for photos anymore without risking a cracked rib. Chronic pain plus middle age does not a bikini ad make, which is why I ended up at the best little day spa in the Eastern Sierra, The Double Eagle Spa, inhaling eucalyptus mint like it was oxygen itself. I needed zen and I needed it now. After marinating in bug spray all week, I probably smelled like 
Bigfoot’s armpit, but hairier. By Thursday, I needed that sauna more than my dog needed to not fart while being dragged through the spa lobby looking like she was headed for a colonic.
Goodbye to summer, hello to healthy fall muffin recipes
Still, as I sit here now on a crisp September morning back home in Big Bear Lake, nearly freezing my muffins off at sunrise, I can’t help but smile at the memories. Summer may be done, but fall is here—and so are my apples. Hundreds of them. Honeycrisps, Jonagolds, Golden Delicious, and not a single one going to that neighbor with the asshole dog. Grudges. I keep them.
My early morning snack routine is all autumn, all the time.
And you know what that means? I
t’s officially autumn spice apple muffin season.
Pro tip: When baking using coconut oil, always use room-temperature eggs and apples. (My coconut oil, meanwhile, has already given up and turned into a brick of despair, because fall in a ski town is a cold mistress.) Warm that coconut oil beforehand, add your eggs and sour cream, and pray the batter doesn’t re-solidify faster than you can say basic autumn bitch.
Autumn Spice Apple Muffins
1 cup of almond flour
3 tablespoons coconut flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon of salt
5 tablespoons of coconut oil, melted and warm
1/2 cup of sour cream or Greek yogurt
2 eggs, romm tempature
1 teaspoon of vanilla
1 teaspoon freshly ground cinnamon
1 teaspoon freshly ground cardamom pods
3 freshly ground cloves
1 cup apples, peeled and chopped
To get started on these healthy fall muffin recipes, add your room temp eggs and vanilla to the cocnut oil. Mix in the room temp apples and then the sour cream, followed by the dry ingredients. Pour this into muffin 350 35 minutes
