Nothing says God Bless America quite like sweating through your cowboy hat while inhaling a plate of Crab Rangoon Nachos absolutely dripping in wasabi, sweet chili sauce and cream cheese. Ask me how I know.
Here in scenic Big Bear Lake, California, we were blessed this Fourth of July with cool temperatures and afternoon clouds, which is basically the weather every summertime hiking guide prays to Mother Nature for. Unfortunately, perfect hiking weather also means everyone else wants to go hiking too. By the end of a grueling ten-hour workday, I found myself scrubbing tiny muddy footprints off the interior roof of my Jeep. I still haven’t determined whether the children responsible were simply unsupervised or had actually been raised by capuchin monkeys.
I’m sorry, but your Jeep tour guide should never have to tell grown adults, “Please don’t let your children open the Jeep doors while the vehicle is moving.” There is a reason children under eight ride in car seats. This is not the 1990s anymore. Sure, when I was a kid, our parents tossed an entire litter of children into the back of a pickup truck with a Capri Sun and blind optimism, and somehow we survived. (Raises hand. Guilty.) But this isn’t 1994, and this certainly isn’t a Third World country like rural India.
This is Big Bear Lake, California. We’re trying to have a nice Fourth of July weekend here. Let’s all agree on a few simple goals: don’t poop in the creek, don’t throw your trash into the lake, and for the love of bald eagles, buckle your children into their car seats instead of lying to your Jeep tour guide about how old they are. My tours are for kids five and older for a reason.
And that was before I encountered the Customer From Hell.
Somewhere between making Bloody Mary Deviled Eggs for guests staying at my cabin, working my twelfth hour of the holiday weekend, and explaining for the ten-thousandth time that yes, this is a group hike, not your own private episode of Survivor, I found myself front row for one of the most bizarre meltdowns I’ve ever witnessed in thirteen years of being a hiking guide.
Picture this: a sold-out Fourth of July hike. One guest quietly tells me she’s terrified of dogs. Another entitled millennial guest arrives with a giant, enthusiastic Husky. I politely ask Sally from Sherman Oaks if she’d mind keeping her dog on a leash for the comfort of the group. I even offered a full refund if that wasn’t going to work for her.
Instead, I got an adult-sized temper tantrum complete with yelling, crying, mocking another guest for being afraid of dogs and acting as though basic courtesy toward nine other paying customers somehow violated the Geneva Convention.
Working customer service in a mountain resort town on a holiday weekend often feels le
ss like leading outdoor adventures and more like babysitting adults who apparently skipped the kindergarten lesson on sharing.
Fireworks, Freedom & Fried Wontons
By sunset, I was officially done peopling. All I wanted was to climb aboard the boat with a plate of Crab Rangoon Nachos, a chilled glass of Costco’s finest Kim Crawford Sauvignon Blanc, and watch fireworks explode over Big Bear Lake while celebrating 250 years of this wonderfully chaotic country. This, friends, is exactly why your local hiking guides 
require Happy Hour.
Because after smiling until your cheeks hurt while somebody’s “service dog” lifts its leg on your hiking boot, your left eye starts twitching just a little.
Yes, this Fourth of July appetizer may be almost as confused as I was after an entire holiday weekend dressed like Garth Brooks circa 1993. But honestly, what is America if not a delicious mashup of cultures borrowing the best ideas from each other? We are, after all, a country built by immigrants, and I see absolutely nothing wrong with celebrating Independence Day by stuffing Cream Cheese Crab Rangoon filling inside jalapeños and piling the whole glorious mess onto crispy wonton nachos.
Freedom Isn’t Free… But Cream Cheese Is on Sale at Costco
If it’s the Fourth of July, I simply cannot contain the patriotism. It slowly leaks out of my pores. You will absolutely find me wandering around Big Bear Lake in cowboy boots, a ridiculous 90s country outfit, humming “Friends in Low Places” while wishing I were actually back up at 10,000 feet where the tourists disappear and the wildflowers reclaim the trails.
Honestly, is it even Independence Day if you aren’t channeling peak Garth Brooks energy?
I’ve got friends in low places, but I’d much rather spend my time in the high places—preferably somewhere above the tree line with an alpine lake, a backpack full of sometimes keto snacks and absolutely no one asking me why their dog has to be on leash.
America Runs on Freedom… and Crab Rangoon Nachos
And while everyone else argues about politics, I think we can all agree on one thing. Why aren’t more appetizers simultaneously hot, sweet and deep-fried?
These Crab Rangoon 
Nachos check every single box.
The crispy wontons, spicy jalapeños, creamy crab filling, cool wasabi drizzle and sweet chili sauce somehow come together into one gloriously ridiculous bite that’s perfect for a backyard barbecue or Fourth of July happy hour. Fair warning though: if you’re already melting through another East Coast heat wave, these may have you sweating even harder. These Crab Ranggon Nachos are what happens when America invades an Asian Buffet.
But honestly, it doesn’t matter who you voted for. Celebrate America the only sensible way—with Crab Rangoon Nachos, crispy wontons, spicy jalapeños, creamy crab filling and enough sweet chili sauce to unite the nation for at least five delicious minutes. 🇺🇸🌶️🦀
If Panda Express catered the Fourth of July, this would be the biggest-selling appetizer on their menu.
Crab Rangoon Nachos: Because Freedom Tastes Better with Cream Cheese
1 package of wonton wrappers
1 egg
1/2 a cup of Imation Krab, the better quality version, chopped up
1/4 cup cream cheese
1/8 cup of furikake
1/2 a teaspoon of soy sauce
1/2 a teaspoon of Worcestershire
zest of 1 lemon
1 jalapeno, sliced super thin
2 green onions, chopped thin
2 cups of canola oil for frying
To garnish your dish at the end: Asian sweet chili sauce, Unagi sauce and Sweet Chili Aioli or Sriracha Mayo
In a bowl, mix up your Krab, soy sauce, lemon zest, Worcestershire, and chopped green onions. Beat your egg, and set aside in a small dish along with a pastry brush. When you are ready to assemble your Crab Wontons, lay one sheet of wonton wrapper on a cutting board. Spread egg on the side using the pastry brush. Add a scoop, about 1 tablespoon, of Crab mixture. Put another wonton wrapper on top and seal the edges with lots of egg.
You will need a large saucepan to fry these. I prefer to fry them in a large saucepan, so I don’t waste too much oil. Once you have them all assembled, fry these in the hot canola oil, flipping once. After all the wontons are fried, set them on a decorative tray. Lightly drizzle the wontons with your sauces. Garnish with the furikake and extra raw green onions. Shove at your face and call it Asian Fusion meets Patriotism.
