Indo-Chinese Please-Don’t-Cancel-Me Gobi Manchurian

I have to spend my days out under the changing fall leaves of the national forest because the world we live in today brings me a lot of anguish. As a conservative Republican woman, I am always wrong. It doesn’t matter what I believe in. I’m wrong. Plain and simple. Oh, so you think the Vice President is a whore? Obviously that can’t be true! Oh Amber, you really think there is a senile old man running this country? Heavens that can’t be correct! You have the audacity to combine two different cultures into a meal? What on God’s green earth is wrong with you?

Like most days, my morning began with taking the pup for a trek through our national forest. The fall colors were a changing and the wilderness was just magical in the morning light. Or maybe I’m delusional as I haven’t slept in days. We tried to ignore all the wild unruly unsocialized dogs we meet on our adventures every damn day as we made our way towards Paul’s cabin and the unofficial Mill Creek Dog Park. I tried my best to get a few fall colors snaps of Luna and me but she could hear her BFF Kiki the Australian Sheperd mix in the distance and like having a teenager and TikTok it was hard to hold her attention span.

The pup and I had a delightful morning waltzing through the fall colors, ignoring the internet and so far away from T.V. CNN, and Fox News hysterics. This is my kind of zen. And even better still, I had plans to go home, poach some cauliflower and braise up some delicious Gobi Manchurian.

Or would I?

Stop right there, am I even allowed to share my hillbilly mountain rendition of Gobi Mancharaina in this PC world we live in today? Is a spicy Anglo-Indian version okay in 2024 or is that cultural appropriation?

When it comes to cooking we used to just call it “Fusion” Now if you create a Goan Vindaloo Fries appetizer you could be canceled. Only here in 2024 would it be unnatural to blend different parts of cultures, to you know, make a creative dinner without being canceled.

Popular food blogger Teigan Gerald from Half Baked Harvest, a foodie blogger I have followed for years, was recently embedded deep in controversy covered by the New York Times for cultural appropriation. What a load of utter cow shit.

It seems as a blogger, you can’t just happily type out your feelings or your favorite foodie fusions without some Karen telling you for fuck’s sake that wasn’t PC. I feel like Fox News should run a ticker on the bottom of the TV. screen every morning, telling me which new words are not politically correct today!

As a food blogger who has been scorned by other blogging Karens for not being politically correct, I can truly commiserate with  Teigan Gerald. Who knew as a food blogger you couldn’t combine ingredients like Homemade Curry Powder with soy sauce without being labeled a foodie fascist? Heavens! I add soy sauce to my tremendous Curried Mango Chicken Salad! Lock me up for being a social media heathen!

I haven’t let my wanderlust lead me to India since before the pandemic. Even here in California, living two hours from Los Angeles, you can’t find Indo-Chinese food. Sure, there is a Cane’s Fried Chicken on every street corner but man could I go for some super spicy ethnic Chinese food? Is it okay to even say how much I am craving Indo-Chinese food or will that get me cancelled too?

Call it cauliflower. Call it gobi. Call it that vegetable that makes your house smell like farts.

Indo-Chinese Please-Don’t-Cancel-Me Gobi Manchurian

4 teaspoons of ketchup

4 teaspoons  of Indian chili sauce

1 teaspoon of olive oil

1 shallot, chopped thin

1/4 cup of soy sauce

1 teaspoon freshly grated garlic

1teaspoon freshly grated pickled ginger

1 teaspoon of cornstarch

1/4 cup of freshly made vegetable stock

Gobi Batter

1/2 teaspoon of pepper

1/4 teaspoon of turmeric

1 cup of flour

1 teaspoon of salt

2 teaspoons of cornstarch

1 teaspoon of garlic powder

1/2 cup of water

1 teaspoon garam masala

Lots of canola oil to fry your gobi

Green onions, chopped and sesame seeds for garnish

For the Gobi batter, Mix together the garam masala, pepper, salt turmeric, garlic powder, flour and cornstarch. Slowly mix in the cold water just until this batter is thick enough to coat the back of a spoon. Poach your cauliflower just briefly in boiling water then immediately cool down in cold water. Set aside until you are ready to fry. Heat your canola oil and dredge the cauliflower in the batter then fry each piece, setting aside to drain.

In a saucepan combine the shallots with the 1 teaspoon of olive oil until fried. Add the garlic just until cooked. Mix in he soy sauce, pickled ginger, ketchup, Indian chili sauce and veggie stock. Let reduce just a few minutes and mix in the cornstarch for just one minute. Remove fro the heat.

When you are ready to serve this dish use a pastry brush to rub some Manchurian Sauce on your cooked cauliflower. Place your cauliflower in the air fryer at 380 for ten minutes.  When you are ready to serve the Gobi Manchurian garnish it with green onions and sesame seeds.