A Chipmunk Gets Lost in Mong Kong

Tonight my boyfriend lost his chipmunk in the crazy busy shopping district of Mong Kok Hong Kong. This was not like getting lost at the Beverly Center in Los Angeles. I couldn’t just meet him in front of Nordstrom.

He told me to meet him in front of the McDonald’s after I stopped shopping for Chinese puppies and kittens. (An entire block of pet stores with puppies and kittens? This was one of the coolest things about Hong Kong!)

Meet up in front of McDonald’s? Sounds easy enough. Oh wait, there are something like five different McDonald’s in this one area of Hong Kong! Which makes it complicated enough but than half the street names on my phone are only Chinese symbols not actually words.

Fuck you, google maps. I really wish I knew how to write that in Chinese.

I felt like a failure at life as I frantically searched the streets of Mong Kok for McDonald’s ( Wow. Words I never expected to write in my life. #Diabetes)

Than being the chipmunk that I am I got distracted by sparkly things.

Oh! Fish balls!

I did eventually find him in the crazy busy Mong Kok streets. It was dark at this point and I was more than a little panicked. After an evening of getting superbly lost and losing ones chipmunk we decided we had not had enough adventures for one evening out in Hong Kong so we decided to try out an authentic Chinese restaurant where absolutely no one spoke English. The menu was not in English either.

The smartest thing to do seemed to be to look up a picture of a lobster on my phone and try for that.

And that is how I ordered a cheese smothered lobster and one of the worst stomach aches of my life. I honestly don’t understand why they insist on covering every lobster in cheese sauce in this country. It’s so weird! The food in this region is so bland… But they love their shellfish smothered in cheese!

Do you have any idea how hard it is to eat crab or lobster, trying to pry the meat out of the shells when the crustacean is covered in extremely slimy cheese trying to wriggle out of your lactose coated fingers?

Oh and also if you are American they refuse to give you napkins in this country.

I’m pretty sure that was just for us and it could be because I made so many Comrade Obama jokes (Seriously can someone please tell me how not to offend our Obama loving Uber drivers in communist China) that the entire country, every where we went they refused to give us napkins for me to wipe my cheese fish hands on. I gave up asking at one point and just started swiping them off empty tables around us.

I’m sure after ingesting one lactose coated lobster my boyfriend wished I had just stayed lost in Hong Kong

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