Strawberry Muffins: Because Screaming into the Void Wasn’t Gluten-Free

It’s only 7 a.m. and I am already having such a Monday. There is nothing like being in the middle of mixing up a cake batter, opening a brand new bag of marshmallows to find it is chock-full of ants. As a lifelong baker, I have never had anything like this happen to me in my life! As I hurriedly drove to the grocery store to grab a insect-free bag of gelatin and corn syrup and everything else that makes RFK Jr cry, I just hoped the baking powder in my cake would not be affected by sitting on the kitchen counter for an extra thirty minutes on a hot summers day when I truly should’nt have turned my oven on to begin with. Apparently, I live in a rural town where we can’t have nice things, like baking supplies that don’t have crunchy insects included. One thing about this Strawberry Muffin recipe, I guarantee, insects are not an intentional ingredient.

“Somebody Has a Case of the Mondays” — And It’s Me, After Leading Ungrateful Tourists Through the Forest at Dawn

Let me paint you a picture: It’s 4:45 a.m. My alarm goes off. I don’t hit snooze because I am a professional wilderness wizard with a strong sense of responsibility. Running a small business in a rural mountain ski town has its perks, privileges and sometimes downfalls like getting up before the sunrise.  I move all the Norwegian Forest Cats aside, struggle out of bed with two bad ankles, get up, braid my hair like I’m Pocahontas meets REI Barbie, and put on a fleece jacket that smells vaguely like bug spray and last week’s tourism trauma.

Why? Because I’m leading a 6:00 a.m. guided forest hike for tourists who insisted, “We want to see the sunrise!”
Sure, Jan.

I meet them at the trailhead, grasping a big ass Yetti mug of basicully pure espresso. I smile. I wave. I even offer bug spray because I’m a saint and also I enjoy not being devoured alive by mosquitoes the size of drones. We start the hike. Birds are chirping. Sunlight is trickling through the Jeffrey Pines like a Bob Ross painting. Squirrels are doing squirrel things. It’s magical.

But you know what’s not magical?

Karen from Ohio turning to me 45 minutes into the majestic hike and saying, “This trail’s kinda ugly. I thought it would be prettier.”

OH, DID YOU?

Were the majestic pine trees not posing for your Instagram just right? Was the literal nature not vibing with your aesthetic? And THEN—oh, it gets better—they say, “Honestly, I could’ve found this trail myself.”

No. You. Wouldn’t. Have. SALLY.

You would’ve gotten lost, Googled “cute trails near me,” ended up hiking onto someone’s private property in flip flops, and left a Yelp review complaining about how the bears “weren’t very friendly.”

We finish the hike. I thank them for coming and give them an amazing forest souvenir (And no, it wasn’t a bag of bear scat, but man was I tempted), and as they’re leaving, one of them asks for a refund. A REFUND. Did I not get up before the sunrise and leave my neglected Forest Cats in bed by themselves to take you on one of the most scenic hikes in Big Bear Lake?

And then they leave me a one-star review. For a FREEZING COLD SUNRISE FOREST HIKE that I got up in the middle of the night to host. I’m sorry, but if that’s not a valid reason to stress-eat a Strawberry Muffin, even if it is chock-full of gluten and it’s only 7 a.m., I don’t know what is.

Just when I thought the emotional carnage was done, I go back to the trail later for some forest zen, just me and my adventure dog and no passive-aggressive day hikers from the Midwest, and find that our dear sweet holiday weekend campers have left behind a solid Jeep-load of smelly forest trash. Solo cups, broken chairs, a cooler filled with some kind of meat-water mystery… and obviously an old soiled diaper or two.

So I do the right thing—I clean it up. Because I care about the forest. And because I know that if I leave it, a raccoon will open a full Coors Light and throw a party because trash pandas, you can’t trust them.

But here’s the kicker—one of the trash bags? It LEAKS. All over the leather seats of my Jeep. Now my car smells like tourist slime and hot dog juice.

So yeah, I’m inhaling Mud Hen Bars for breakfast. And if you are looking for another delicious dessert to help you not fit into your hiking pants, check out this simple but decadent recipe from Cookie and Cups for Mud Hen Bars. 

Do I regret the fact that I just ate half a batch of Mud Hen Bars while sitting on the tailgate of my slime-scented Jeep?
Absolutely not. I EARNED that dessert. That sugar, butter and loads of carbs are emotional hazard pay.

So the next time someone wants to quote Office Space at me and say “Somebody has a case of the Mondays,” I will absolutely lose it. I will go full feral forest guide and start throwing pinecones. Because if enduring rude tourists, slimebags, and Airbnb review sabotage doesn’t entitle me to a little sugar and early morning rage…
Then what are we even doing here?

Do you see why I have to shove desserts at my face?

I always create this Strawberry Muffin recipe in the summer months. They freeze so well. They make an awesome trailside breakfast on a twenty-mile morning hike. I like to create this Strawberry Muffin recipe before the summer gets to be sweltering hot. Nobody wants to turn their oven on in August!

I would love to say I baked these with homegrown organic strawberries but alas, the bugs have just destroyed my homegrown strawberries this summer! Last summer, our garden was stupendous with an abundant harvest of so much lettuce and fresh fruits. I don’t think it’s going to be as voluptuous this year.

Cry-Baking Is Still Baking: Strawberry Muffin recipe for Mondays from Hell”

1 cup of coconut oil, melted

3/4 cup of organic sugar

2 eggs

1/2 cup of Greek yogurt

1 teaspoon of vanilla

1 cup of high-quality strawberry preserves

1/2 cup of dried strawberries, chopped up

1/2 cup fresh strawberries, cut into pieces

2 and a 1/2 cups of cake flour

1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder

1/4 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon of salt

1/4 cup of milk

To create this Starwberry Muffin recipe, cream the butter and sugar. Add in the eggs and vanilla, then the Greek yogurt and the strawberry preserves. Mix in your dry ingredients, folding in your chopped dried strawberries and fresh strawberry fruit last. When you are ready to bake these Strawberry Muffins, place the dough into muffin tins, 3/4 full. Bake for 35b minutes at 350.

Is this not the best Strawberry Muffin Recipe you have ever tried?