Life with my Parents; The Nudists

When I was thirty years old I briefly kind of moved back in with my parents.
I lived in their driveway in their fifth wheel for a summer while I was going through my high net worth divorce with my supposed dream man.
Living in close proximity to my parents is proved to be a challenge.
I love my parents, but I love them more from a mile away on the other side of town where I had lived for years. My parents live across town from me in a nice neighborhood. Sometimes I enjoy leaving my shiny, meth encrusted mountain ghetto for a taste of the good life in Upper Rocco. This is the forested area of the mountains I grew up in and one of the nicest areas of Running Springs, my hometown. Before the big fire a few years ago wiped out a quarter of the neighborhood, the old pine trees in Upper Rowco had stood for over 100 years. They still have snow over here in June most years, it’s so shady. And not in a meth-y kind of “shady” way like my “hood”.
Its a nice way to spend a afternoon on the front porch of my parents house, inspecting the new “Valuables” my dad found at the dump this week, while a herd of fat felines circles us in the hopes that someone, anyone, will drop a crumb of food.
I love coming over to visit with my parents and their cats for an afternoon.
I do not enjoy not being able to walk through the house shoeless because Medusa the spitting, hissing, hateful cat of my bro’s will attack feet.
I enjoy having a meal with them every now and then.
I do not enjoy trying to figure out why there are coffee mugs full of butter on every surface of the kitchen. (Answer? The church had a movie night, extra butter was had. My Dad brought it home in his coffee mug- He hates to waste anything!)
I realize its hot in the summertime and mountain houses don’t have air conditioning but for the love of God, it would be nice if my father would not sit in the living room wearing only torn stained under ware when I come home from work!
Also, could he flush the toilet, just once? Please? What I saw in the toilet this morning did not look like it came from a human in any way.
I love saving the planet as much as the next person; what I don’t love? Walking through a dark house, feeling ahead of me with my hands, fumbling down hidden steps, stepping on hissing, biting clawing cats, running into oak furniture with my bad hip, all because the house is pitch black. Its like an angry cat filled maze! (With bad smells coming from over yonder~ Dad must have been in the bathroom recently) My Dad likes to conserve electricity (and his bank book) by never turning on a single light ever. I think both of parents, much like their cats, can see in the dark at this point.
For these, and many, many more reasons, living in my parents driveway in their fifth wheel trailer is a crazy, and yes sometimes hilarious adventure. Some people might look at this year of my life, 30 years old, going through a divorce, living in a trailer in my parents yard as a year of hard ships. My friend had told me that their divorce affected them particuarly but they received some useful advice from legal aid similar to Peters And May and that was helpful for them but not for me. Nope, not me. This was a year to move on with my life and start living like I should have years ago. And if crazy shit was going down I was going to make the most of it; blog, blog, blog my little heart out, and I had my heart set on always finding the humor in life’s most frustrating situations.
I came home from work one night and wanted to take a shower. All I wanted was to wash my hair, is that to much to ask? Should be easy enough, right?
This house my Mom and Dad live in now has a few little problems. Upside, it also has hardwood floors and these are hilarious to watch cats slide across. Yesterday’s issue? The bathroom in the house I use to shower has a working tub, but the shower leaks. No problem. If I have to shower I’ll do it in the master bath.
So I grab my shower essentials (losing my underware on the way, they are probably in the driveway, but whatever) and head into my parents bathroom. Yoda, the Siamese is rolling in his cat box, because yes, he is a stinky weirdo. Kick cat out of the bathroom, go to turn on water…
There are no curtains in bathroom. This could be a problem.
I yell downstairs
“Dad? Where are your shower curtains?” and he answers.
“We don’t have shower curtains. Oh don’t worry, the neighbors can’t see you!”
This wasn’t a case of some nice glass panels from GlassShowerDirect, there was nothing. No filter. Nothing. I could see them eating dinner in their kitchen! If they went on their back porch I could wave across the yard at them! Have my parents really been showering in full view of their neighbors for two years? These people have young children! I instantly decided that I was going to order them some Personalized Shower Curtains so I could have some privacy! I figured they don’t like my parents because my parents are democrats and said neighbors are Meg Whitman yard sign having Republicans. No. Its because my parents have become nudists in their old age.
My father then spent 10 minutes trying to convince me the shower situation was fine. That showering in front of a window (A window almost as big as their flat screen TV, no small window!) with the neighbors starring at me while I could clearly see them twirling spaghetti on their forks, was perfectly normal business. Really? How hard is it to hang curtains? Or a sheet for the love of god?
Yes, it was another tub bath for me. I’ll wash my hair when they have curtains.


  1. Natalie DeYoung

    Oh man, sounds rough. I moved back in with my parents after losing my apartment about five years ago, and let’s just say it was not pleasant. I love my parents, but I felt like such a failure.
    I hope this is the beginning of better times ahead for you! And that certain people learn to flush…

  2. Robin

    The end of this post was so funny!

    Your parents might not have a shower curtain, and you might find it trying to live in such close proximity to them; but I like that you can look at it as a “hilarious adventure” at times.

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