I can’t believe I’m typing this because camping, come on, bro, you don’t need a master’s degree to set up a tent! But it seems like most campers I meet are very unintelligent. That’s just my professional opinion, one week into a four-week-long camping trip. The big thing that stands out in my mind about this particular trip is how stupid and selfish other campers are.
That became crystal clear last summer when we were on holiday camping in the Eastern Sierra. That was when Victor, the resident California black bear who calls Lake Mary on the outskirts of Mammoth Lakes home, was euthanized due to human error. Camping in bear country is not to be taken lightly. Precautions must be taken when you are having an overnight tent stay in the California black bear’s backyard. And if you don’t take precautions, such as not setting your ice chest in the bear box or not closing the bear-proof trash cans, well then, Yogi will most certainly drink all your Modelas while you are away hiking throughout the daytime hours.
If you look on social media, you will surely see some fake news accounts of stupid people taking selfies with Victor and one guy trying to chest bump him. Not all of that info is true. My friend was actually at the campsite when Victor swiped at a female camper. She witnessed the whole episode.
Lake Mary Campground is known as a very bear-active area. Like other camping areas, such as Mt Whitney, if you are going to camp here, you need to be very bear aware. The camp hosts tell campers that, too, but let’s face it, most campers visiting in their brand new Coleman tents from Orange County just don’t pay attention and don’t care.
This is my professional opinion after camping at the nearby Oh Ridge Campground in June Lake for five days. Literally every day I walked to the trash dumpsters, the bear hooks were unlocked. I methodically closed all of them every time. Are these other campers so unintelligent that they can’t figure out how to relock the bear boxes? I’m assuming these are the same individuals at the Comrade Kamala rally.
I might not be Comrade Kamala, being raised in a penthouse in the wealthiest suburb of Canada, but I was raised with some manners. I have a lot of manners and opinions when it comes to camping and my respect for Mother Nature.
A Bear-Smart Guide to Camping Like You’ve Got Sense
It’s summertime, everyone wants to camp. Try to do it with other campers and the bears who live in this forest, in mind! Unlike the extremely loud family who were tent camping next to us
at June Lake, who were loudly yelling and conversing since six a.m. Every day, they would leave camp they would leave all their food and ice chests out to entice the local wildlife. These campsites have bear boxes for a reason!
Come on, we are all here in the Mammoth Lakes area for the weekend. Does nobody else read the news? Does anyone care that a majestic animal was just killed for a needless reason? Did none of these other campers read about the California black bear that was euthanized this a.m. after swiping a camper’s leg last night? This particular camper at the extremely bear-active area of Lake Mary had laid out a whole dinnertime feast on their picnic table. When the bear approached, they had no situational awareness whatsoever. They did not hear the noises of other campers yelling, setting off car alarms and yelling “Hey Bear!” at the top of their lungs. That whole incident didn’t need to happen.
Bear Aware, Human Beware: How Not to Ruin Nature for Everyone
Now we may not be camping in Grizzly bear country but yes, we have bears here in southern California and whether you are camping in Big Bear Lake or Mammoth Lake, you are camping in their home. You may be sleeping in a tent but you are sleeping in the bears backyard and the polite thing to do would be to live in harmony with the native neighbors who live here and for fuck sake, put your food in the bear bin.
Areas such as Lake Mary and Mt Whitney are well-known active bear zones. If you are planning to camp in these areas, you have to know the dos and dont’s of camping in the California black bears’ backyard. When camping in bear country, you can never be too careful.
How not to be a Dirty Camper
- Never leave food out when camping in bear country
- Don’t leave backpacks unattended when camping in bear country. They always smell like food to a bear, even if they are just full of trash from your last hike.
- Don’t leave sunscreen, empty water bottles really anything that looks like food in your vehicle. Yes, if a vehicle is unlocked, an intelligent bear knows how to open car doors!
- If camping in bear country, close the windows on your RV before leaving camp for the day. Mother bears have been known to put their cubs on their shoulders to break into motorhomes.
- Always put the seat down in the pit toilet when you are done with your curry bum. Because come on, bro, no one needs all those flies in the pit toilet. How hard is it to put the seat down, yo?
- Leave a clean camp with no trash out. I don’t know how many times we were at camp and the winds picked up by the afternoon. Other campers’ trash is flying in the wind.
Out for a weekend of camping in the great outdoors? Try not to be a self-centered camper. Bro, the wilderness is about more than just taking selfies with that marmot over there while leaving your Red Bull energy can on the trail. Sure, feel free to get some great snaps of your Tesla underneath the aspen orange leaves up by Mcgee Creek but don’t throw all your McDonald’s trash out into the forest before you hit the road for the next aspen grove up the good ‘Ol Highway 395. (True story, I have yelled at egotistical assholes in Teslas before) America was once beautiful with purple mountain majesties. Ray Charles doesn’t sing about the piles of garbage lining our mountain passes. God didn’t shed his grace on thee so you could be an asshole in your Cybertruck.
On our last trip to the Eastern Sierra, even though it was late August, some cold weather moved in and even snow! Very few tent campers were to be seen. Snow and forty-five-mile-per-hour wind gusts in August; That’s the Eastern Sierra for ya! She loves to throw adversity in your direction, such as lows of twenty-eight degrees over a weekend for all those tent campers.
Be polite; Your camp hosts are working hard!
I feel really bad for the sweet kind hearted camp hosts we meet on every vacation. I feel like we always make friends with them. When camping in bear country, you always have to be mindful of your surroundings. We try our best to be respectful campers. Many days we witness those Eastern Sierra winds gusting to forty-five knots, we pick up trash as it blows all over the campground. We always leave our campsite cleaner than we found it. The camp hosts are not making a ton of money for keeping the camp clean for you and even the bathrooms fresh every day!
Act like a lady
Come on, ladies, we are not savages. We are perfectly capable of keeping a public toilet clean even when we are on our destructive periods. There was absolutely no reason to leave the toilet looking like someone had a miscarriage in it at our campground here in Tahoe City over Labor Day weekend. This might seem like disgusting words, but I’m honestly very tired of walking into the toilet at the campsite to a bloody, disgusting disaster. I don’t understand what kind of empty-headed person would think it’s okay to leave this kind of mess for the camp host to clean up. It’s immature, embarrassing and makes me think women are absolute pigs.
Mother Nature Called—She Wants You to Stop Being Gross
The same goes for leaving your used tampon or tampon applicator on the forest trails. Who the fuck do you think is going to clean up after you? Smokey the menstrual product collecting bear? I swear this is why I don’t have any female friends because other females are uncaring, selfish twats.
So in closing, if you plan on frolicking in the national forest, try to adult for fuck’s sake. If you are planning to camp this summer on camping in bear country, be mindful of the creatures around you. Don’t be a half-woitted imbecile in a brand new North Face sweater who can’t even pick up their doggy’s blue bag of poo. Leave our wilderness cleaner than you found it for the next generation of backcountry wanderers.
