No More Grocery Store Reflexology

I just wouldn’t be a typical Monday in my life if I was not embarrassing the shit out of myself.

This weeks embarrassment involved having reflexology performed on me for the first time in the middle of Stater Brothers and then almost passing out.

I really couldn’t make this up if I tried. Yes, this afternoon I was the girl at Stater Brothers crawling across the dirty floor begging for a bottle of water before the room went black around me. All because I let Dr Grocery Store Reflexology fix my shoulder.

My dislocated shoulder that is!

It would have been nice if I had known my shoulder was dislocated before I embarrassed myself on the floor of my local grocery store this morning but my doctor decided not to point out to me the other day that my shoulder was dislocated from my mountain bike fall months back. We all know that shoulder dislocation is no laughing matter, so it is frustrating that it couldn’t have been rectified much sooner. It’s probably going to require some expensive medical treatment; if only it has happened at work I might have been able to get some compensation to help me with the costs! My friend told me about a great workers compensation attorney recently too, oh well.

Apparently I have had a dislocated shoulder for months and that explains all the pain I have been in. If I knew I had a dislocated shoulder maybe I would have chosen not to mountain bike fourteen miles this morning. I’m lucky that I didn’t need to learn more shoulder dislocation surgery.

Of course maybe I just would have gone anyways, it was just such a gorgeous spring day, how could I not? Hours later I would find myself telling this crazy tale to Amy, Queen of the Selfies.

I’ve never known anyone who is as greater at taking a selfie as Amy. She also has a thing for 105 pound French jockeys but that’s a whole different story.

The other day Amy was talking to me about going to her reflexology appointment. Which is something that I find interesting, as someone who is constantly chronically becoming injured. Anything like chiropractic care, acupuncture or the like I find interesting as these are all things that come in handy in my daily life.

This morning dawned with blue skies and lots of gorgeous clouds dotting the horizon and I just had to do a 14 mile mountain bike ride even though my knee is jacked up and my shoulder is even more jacked up. I went to the doctor before the weekend and she did a x-ray and looked at my shoulder and my knee but didn’t actually tell me what was wrong with me. Which is just a bit frustrating. She could’ve at least given me a hint of what was wrong with me instead of just looking at me silently and sending me on my way.

So I might be slightly injured but not too injured to complete a 14 mile muddy mountain bike ride through many spring time creeks.

Obviously by the time I got to the grocery store I was an incredibly muddy mess, so of course the first person I saw in the grocery store wanted to touch my leg.

As soon as I walked into our local grocery store I ran into a good friend of mine Carol, helping her elderly neighbor do his shopping. The first thing she said to me was “What the hell did you do to your knee now?” And as soon as I began to complain about my pain her neighbor said “Let me touch your dirty muddy knee.”

Now what are you going to do in the middle of a grocery store, argue with the nice old man who wants to touch your extremely dirty knee?

The answer to this question probably should’ve been no and continue grocery shopping.

But I couldn’t seem to find those words so next thing I know he’s doing some kind of pressure point thing to my knee which involves holding the spot on my knee that hurts for a very long time until it stops hurting. Meanwhile this in the middle Stater Brothers and I’m getting more and more uncomfortable. Although by the time he finished my knee seemed to hurt less.

Then I made the mistake of complaining to Carol about my shoulder, knowing that she had just had shoulder replacement surgery the month before.

If I had just gone on my way at this point I probably would’ve been fine, but instead he insisted on doing reflexology on my shoulder.

I guess I must’ve been nervous about the fact that I looked like a weirdo in the middle of Stater Brothers being touched all over by some random dude, because I forgot to breathe, something I normally do not forget to do. I must not have been breathing deeply when he was doing the reflexology on my shoulder because after a minute or two I had to tell him to stop because I was getting dizzy.

I had to sit down on the dirty Stater Brothers floor in my bike shorts and I had to whip off my sweater as I was super hot and the world was swimming. So I’m sitting there in just my bike shorts and my tank top looking like a freak sitting on the floor in Stater Brothers and really wishing I could get up, grab my groceries and get the hell out of there. I was so close to passing out, I didn’t know what to do and I was so beyond frustrated and embarrassed. It seemed so odd at the time that simple Reflexology would make me so very dizzy until DR Grocery Store Reflexology told me that my shoulder had been dislocated and he had popped it back into place!

Dr Grocery Store Reflexology told my neighbor after all this he had no idea my shoulder was dislocated until after he popped it back into place!

So what I am trying to say is I survived grocery shopping today but not with my dignity in tact.

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