I had to go on a snowshoe adventure this morning to collect some fresh juniper berries to complete my Thanksgiving meal. It was time to brine my first turkey and nothing says happy Thanksgiving like foraging for fresh ingredients. My mycophagist cousin is bringing a lovely freshly foraged morel mushroom soup for the big family meal. I’m no expert forager. Mushroom foraging is no joke but I know just enough about foraging to have fun, bring healthy natural ingredients to the table and most importantly, not poison anyone. Along with foraging, learning how to brine a turkey is one of the ultimate sustainable skills to have here in 2024. It can make Thanksgiving great again!
We can all agree that inviting family members from both sides of the aisle to Thanksgiving dinner can be a stressful expiernce especially when your hobo brother is an expert on everything.
But it’s not Thanksgiving dinner without inviting the whole family to gather around the table, whether they show up in MAGA hats or COEXIST -T-shirts. It doesn’t matter who you voted for a few weeks ago we can all agree we love a big family dinner and also how are the costs of groceries so damn high?
A foodie family secret
The foodie in me did something shocking last week. I actually purchased a frozen turkey. Please no one tell my mother! Our newly opened Grocery Outlet here in Big Bear Lake was practically giving away $3.99 frozen turkeys if you buy more than thirty-five dollars worth of groceries. Such a deal. How could I pass that up? A Trader Joe’s pre-brined turkey would have cost me almost fifty dollars and an hours drive to the cities down below our mountain town. I made a judgment call and bought the frozen bird. I then paid six dollars for a turkey brining bag. Does that not seem nuts to pay more money for the turkey brining bag than for the turkey?
I didn’t think I would ever, ever buy a frozen turkey for my family but maybe this is
what my liberal family members deserve for voting for Kamala? (I’m so joking!) But seriously, in Joe Biden’s America, who can afford to spend fifty dollars this year on a pre-brined bird? NBC News is ranting and raving this holiday season about how groceries are at the lowest costs since 2021. Not here in California, that is for damn sure. I just paid six dollars for a dozen eggs and I was lucky to even find eggs! Pork, you know, the cheap meat is over three dollars a pound in California for a butt roast and that is just nuts! But heavens, our hogs and heifers need extra space to roll in their own feces here in California so the pork industry has us hog-tyed this Thanksgiving if you like apple cider pulled pork or bacon anything.
When to defrost the turkey
I still can’t believe I am writing this; So you want to defrost a turkey? According to USDA.gov, you can defrost a turkey in a microwave oven. Good Lord, why would you do that? I can’t even defrost a pound of bacon correctly in the microwave, why on earth would you throw a frozen fourteen to eighteen-pound bird in there? According to the old man who came to fix our microwave from last year, almost having a heart attack in our living room and then telling us microwaves don’t work at elevations if I tried to run our microwave for thirty-four minutes to defrost a turkey I’m sure our microwave would spontaneously combust.
Over 81 million people in this world live at elevations at over 8,000 feet and I’m sure most of them have working microwaves. It has become a running joke in our household how microwaves just don’t work a mile high! Heavens, don’t you know that? Also, it’s never a good idea to microwave a turkey but do defrost your turkey safely in the fridge. It takes about twent
y-four hours for every five pounds of frozen bird meat to defrost. Thawing your turkey in the fridge is the safest most consistent way.
Thanksgiving prep ahead of time
As the family chef, take some of the stress out of your Thanksgiving planning by brining your turkey a bit ahead of time. Pre-chop all your veggies. Create your Sourdough focaccia pizza dough a day before your Garlic Sourdough Foccaias go in the oven. Make your salad dressings a day in advance. That gives you more time the days before Thanksgiving to clean the house, vacuum up dog hair and at least one of the cats may have just puked in the kitchen, of course.
Things I have literally said as I’ve prepared Thanksgiving dinner for the last three days;
- “Don’t let that cat jump
in that ice chest! That’s where the turkey brining takes place and it’s freshly sanitized!” (The ice chest not the cat) - “No, you can’t just throw the turkey in a dirty old ice chest with water and salt. That is not how you brine a turkey!”
- “Why did we invite vegetarians again? Why can’t I put bacon fat in every dish? It’s not Thanksgiving without bacon fat.”
All of this between me taking the organic thyme bundle away from the silly Russian Blue Cat who climbed on the kitchen counter while I was peeling six heads of garlic. Do you know how difficult it is to chase an athletic feline across the house while you are in the middle of doing yet another set of stretch and folds with your sourdough pizza dough?
This year’s Thanksgiving supper was all about sustainability from the sourdough breads to the foraged fungus soup to just how the hell do I brine a fourteen-pound turkey at home. Have you ever manhandled a wet slippery turkey? It’s not for everyone! I’ve given my cats baths before and I figured at least a turkey does not want to scratch my eyes out. I got this.
So you bought the groceries, the house is relatively clean and you are ready to start cooking. For ultimate brining goodness, plan to brine your turkey for twenty-four hours ahead of time. I used a large ice chest to bring my turkey with ice I foraged from each of our neighbor’s freezers. I used boiling water and lots of Dawn dish soap to sanitize the cooler a day before it was time to give Mr. Turkey his last cold plunge brandy-flavored bath. I also placed a brining bag inside of the ice chest just for ultimate sanitation reasoning. Don’t have a big ass ice chest in which to cold plunge the turkey? Check out Dollar Tree a few days before Thanksgiving for a container large enough to hold a fourteen-pound bird.
Be prepared, you will probably get turkey blood all over your kitchen. And I’m pretty sure the dog would just love to “Help” clean that up. (My pets really don’t realize they are not helpful in preparing a Thanksgiving meal for fifteen people)
How to brine the turkey to perfection
1 teaspoon fennel seeds
6 juniper berries
6 bay leaves
7 quarts of water
1 cup apple cider vinegar
1/2 cup brandy
1 teaspoon coriander seeds
1 teaspoon mustard seeds
1 teaspoon black peppercorns
I 1/2 cups of salt
1 bunch of thyme
In 2 quarts of water add all the herbs and spices. Let reduce just for five minutes and stir in the brandy and apple cider vinegar. Set this mixture in the fridge to cool until the following day. The next morning, add 5 more quarts of water to your brine. Get your very clean ice chest set up with a turkey brining bag inside. Set your turkey in the bag and cover it with the brine until the bird is submerged.
I like to bring my turkey for 18 hours but you can feel free to brine it up to 24 hours. Tie the brining bag closed and for heavens, sake don’t peek! It’s like a naked spa day for your bird and considered super rude!
