Adventures of the Incredible Exploding Pants

Well today was a little bit random.
I’d just like to say, I have no idea when I ripped the crotch out of my pants today, but I have a feeling it was when I fell on the ice as I was leaving my home this morning at seven A.M. for work
     Then I went to work for eight hours, and lord knows how many people I flashed today. Thank god for the running and me having a nice ass.
     Oh yeah, except I have not run in days. 
      And its Thanksgiving week.
     And that means pie.
      This is after all, Thanksgiving week, I work in grocery, and we have a shit ton of snow and also ice where I like to do my run. I would drive to Crestline, nearby, and do the loop around Lake Gregory, but I have no time. At all. Period.  
    Days ago it snowed.
     And it was glorious.
    Once I was home.
   A bit stressful it was, as I slid home, uphill in blizzard like conditions. Luckily I left work at seven, when the snow was just getting blizzard like. I got off two hours early. By nine P.M. the highway had five inches of slick white mess and it was still coming down and not a snow plow in sight. Thank god I made it home early and got to enjoy watching flatlanders stuck on the highway from my nice warm living room, fire place blazing, cats and I enjoying goat cheese and Pinot Grigio. Okay, no wine for them, they would prefer to dip their paws in their water dish like raccoons.
    As I admired my newly strung Christmas lights on my porch and the snow falling down, and the two wheel drive Chevy pickup stuck on the highway, it was truly a peace full mountain evening. Even with the sound of tires spinning on ice and flatlanders yelling. I went out to shovel my driveway about nine when the Chevy owners gave up and left. It was so peaceful and quiet as the snow fell all around me in my neighborhood. The only light came from my Christmas lights. At least I got a little exercise, since I went something like four days without running.
      Today I went into work bright and early, prepared to make a Holiday Feast for my co workers. I cooked for five hours making a smorgasbord of Lavender Crusted Pork Tenderloin Stuffed with Goat Cheese and Pistachio’s and wrapped in Bacon, Sweet Potato Pudding, and Autumn Fruit Salad with Blue Cheese Dressing, Spinach Gratin, Broccoli Casserole, Seven Layer Dip, BBQ Corn Dip, Southwestern Corn Dip, and Sweet Potato Scones with Raw Honey Butter, Fig Baked Brie and Truffle Pie. Explains my pants exploding?
      My pants might have exploded this morning. I know they exploded some time after my lunch, because on my lunch break, I sat down on a flat cart and thought my ass felt pretty cold, but I was too busy to pay attention.  They might have exploded when I snorted Truffle Pie out of my nose. I blame my BFF Dan for that moment.
   We were having a conversation about how is it that you can milk any animal there is available and make cheese from said milk, but you can’t  make human cheese. Then we started discussing which celebrities would yield the finest cheese. The Truffle Pie shot out of my nose when Dan suggested Paula Deen’s Cheese would just come out butter.  I also think my pants could have exploded at that moment I was laughing so hard.

     It was slightly after that conversation, when I was in the rest room, um, delivering Thanksgiving dinner, when I realized my pants were split, and I mean bad. And they had been that way all day. Oh and also I broke the toilet.  I did try to fix it but a  river of shit was inching closer to my Uggs and I know for a fact my boss will not buy me new boots if I destroy them wading through shit river (Weirdly enough, we had this conversation during our Thanksgiving Feast, I love my job!) So I ran out of Los Bano’s stuck an out of order sign on the door and told everyone I could find that my pants had exploded.
     I guess it’s a good sign that no one noticed all day?
    Or maybe they were just afraid if they told me, I would stop cooking, go home and there would be no food?
    One thing is for sure, I needed to make it home with some day light still, and before the roads iced over so I could run just a little bit.
     That brings us to this evening. I have been doing no running but lots of eating that could have led to my pants splitting. I did snow shoe a few miles yesterday, which was glorious. I got off work at four today and drove home as fast as I could brandishing my middle finger to a few lucky soles along the way. I was in a hurry to get a run in before the sun set!
    I raced up my street, parked my Subi, threw on a sports bra (Inside, not in driveway) and started the run up Upper Boulder and crossed the crazy already Holiday traffic busy highway. I continued my run up Music Camp, which is kill yourself steep, just in time to catch an unbelievable sunset at the top. The only problem is by the time I headed back down the hill, the sun was just about down, it had to be in the thirties and it was getting icy. I had to walk more then I would have liked to going back, and I did take the wrong street so my run was a bit longer than I anticipated, which I didn’t mind, but it was annoying to have to walk, it was so icy, when I had the energy to run.
    Okay, Thanksgiving morning, I will get up early enough to run! Although its ‘spose to snow again. Maybe snow shoeing will be in the cards instead. 


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