Why Wilderness Pass? Because Tweakers like to Hike too.

   Once again today I tried to run in the San Gorgonio Wilderness like the rebel that I am, with out having a valid Wilderness Pass
    I don’t have a problem carrying a Wilderness Pass on me; it is the law, supposedly as the warning ticket I received this morning told me.
    My problem with obtaining a Wilderness Pass is the forest service makes you jump through hoops to get one.
    You should be able to go to the Forest Falls Ranger Station website, type in your name, info, date and miles you will be hiking and print out a pass at home or be able to show it on your smart phone.
   The forest service is stuck in the year nineteen ninety two.
   You have to print out your pass at home, fill it out and than fax it in and than they will  approve or deny it and mail it back to you.
   The whole process takes two weeks, at least.
   Okay, I’m sorry but this is the year twenty thirteen, who the fuck owns a fax machine? ( I mean besides my parents but my Dad still has a eight track player… Oh lord that is a whole different story)
    I feel like every time I go to Office Depot in order to fax something the girl who works there looks at me like I’m wearing leggings and flannel and listening to Nirvana. ( Actually I do wear leggings and flannels… They are comfortable! Cortney Love may be right)
   It is frustrating for me to try to obtain a Wilderness Pass two weeks ahead of time as I plan out most of my weekly trail runs a few days in advance.
   I’m getting really sick of running the same trails that I have been doing the past two years so I have been branching out to the San Gorgonio Wilderness an hour from me.
   I have known the last few days that I have been running the Forner Creek and Aspen Grove Trails that I need a Wilderness Pass but I just figured I could say I left it in the car or that my friends were up running ahead and they had it.
   Than today I met a super friendly forest ranger who told me it is a five thousand dollar ticket if you do not have a Wilderness Pass.
   How can it be that much? You may ask like my cousin Dustin in Idaho did. In Idaho, he says they don’t need Forest Adventure Passes to park in the dirt off the highways or Wilderness Passes to hike the mountain trails.
   Why Cuz, it is because in California people are fucking stupid.
  Like these two.


   Do not do meth and hike.
   Because the dragons will eat you!
   As these two teenage drug addicts thought as they were lost in the forest a mile from their car for five days.
   Yes that search cost the sheriffs department $160,000.
   Not to mention the fire fighter who broke his back trying to rescue the girl tweaker.
   That is why you need a Wilderness Pass; because if you are out in the forest doing meth and running from dragons and eating dirt the sheriffs department needs money to go find your drug addicted ass.
    And because people who smoke meth also like to enjoy the forest, yes that is why I need to obtain a Wilderness Pass before I go on my trail runs.
   Yeah, I find that a little annoying.
   I understand that the forest rangers do want to keep track of all the people hiking in the forest who have no idea what they are doing, wearing the wrong shoes, not carrying food water and maps, but it is annoying for people like me.
   I go into the forest prepared. I have maps, snacks, more than enough H20, first aid supplies and the common sense to stay on trail and oh yeah NOT DO DRUGS AND COMMUNE WITH NATURE.
   I’d just like to take today to thank the tweakers for making my forest just a little more difficult to use.


  1. Natalie the Singingfool

    We always discussed getting a wilderness pass, to go backpacking. My husband did it once, and I’ve always been a little jealous…if only we lived closer, or I could take like a month off work…;) Good luck dealing with the bureaucracy!

  2. mutterschwester

    I had a long comment venting about people who need to be rescued after doing stupid crap. But then I figured – eh, why? Suffice it to say that while I do find it annoying to have hoops held up for the jumping, it’s examples like the one you linked to that cause even more cost to the system that keeps the “wilderness” wild for the enjoyment of the rest of us.

    I like the way you come around to “getting” it, despite knowing that you are not the problem.

  3. carrie

    I have never heard of a wilderness pass! Bizarre! I’m not sure if I’m just hiking illegally up here in Canada or if our country just assumes that if you get drugged up and lost then that’s just natural selection at it’s finest!

    Hilarious post!

  4. Daniel Nest

    What is this “fax” to speak of? Is it like a mythical creature like the aforementioned dragons? Sounds quaint!

    Paperwork is the same everywhere, it seems.

  5. cynk

    This is so disappointing. I understand now why they have the requirement, but it seems a shame that responsible hikers like you have to go through the process every single time.

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