I Killed Bambi

     I love driving in the mountains. There is nothing like driving fast in my Subaru on curving winding mountain roads with some good music blaring out the speakers, sun roof open, windows down, and the smell of the mountain pines all around me. I do not, however enjoy following people ALL THE WAY to the valley below while smelling their brakes or transmission because they have no idea how to drive mountain roads.
     I have every right to be bitter with hatred for flatlanders. Once you’ve had some one pee in your front yard I think you have every right to be angry. That’s why mountain people say, don’t eat yellow snow.
    I’m not normally one of those people who tail gate. I have good reason not to tail gate. One time I was in a long line of cars behind some jerk in a Ford Taurus going thirty miles an hour down the mountain. I mean a line of like fifty or so cars, and this guy was not pulling over for anything! After about the fifth turn out that he passed I’m honking yelling and tail gating. Then his kid starts puking out the window, splattering puke all over the red car I used to drive at the time. And that’s why you don’t tail gate. Not only was the guy an asshole for not pulling over, he wouldn’t even stop the car and let his kid puke on the side of the road!
       I’ve been driving in the mountains for a long time, since I was a teenager. I’ve seen it all. People passing around blind corners, upside down pickups in ditches and more dead animals then I can count. Sadly, I was the cause of one of these dead animals. Yes, I killed Bambi.
    I used to work the 4 A.M. morning shift for years. This was an exhausting time in my life. Yes, I’m a morning person but working 4 A.M. shifts for a year was so draining. It was just a normal 4 A.M. drive to work in February when I killed Bambi. My car was brand new at the time. I had my Subaru Baja for about two weeks. It was my first brand new car ever, and I loved it. So of course the first thing I did with it was ram a wild animal,
    It was a very foggy morning as I drove down the mountain to work in the valley below. I was tired and still sipping on my coffee. When I worked that early I would roll out of bed, throw my contacts in, brush my teeth and head out the door. I pulled over at the first turn out I saw to let the car in back of me pass, as I pulled back onto the highway I saw a flash of dune colored fur, than BOOM! The deer ran smack into the driver’s side door of my car. Okay, well technically the deer did hit me.
   I was pissed! My car was brand new! My first thought was to throw the dead deer in the back for my boss, who loves to hunt. (So I could brag that I bagged a bigger deer than him) but  really? I had barely even had my coffee yet, who wants to lift a hundred pound dead deer? I called 911 and reported there was most of a dead deer in the middle of the highway. I didn’t want someone else coming up upon it in the thick fog and having an accident. Than I continued on to work.
    Of course this of all days, when I’m running late because I killed Bambi, my off ramp was closed. I got to work and my boss Dave was ranting and raving about
     “Fucking Redlands! Off ramps always closed!”
      I pretty much shouted to be heard over the complaining
    “Who cares about the off ramp! I just killed Bambi!”
     That’s when Ashley, this girl I work with, walked up to me and said
    “Did you see the deer on the 330?”
    She was the person I pulled over to let pass me.
    I said
   “Yeah, I hit it!”
    Later that morning, everyone had a good time telling me Animal Control was on the phone for me. Ha ha, so funny guys!

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