I Can’t Belive it’s not Wart Remover

My lips were chapped. It was serious.

It was bed time and I was going to bed, sleeping on the couch of a friends who has three young children. I personally absolutely can not sleep without Chapstick on my lips.

On top of that, my sunburnt lips were already hurting and I was in desperate need of Chapstick, vasoline or anything really.

I opened up the children’s medicine cabinet. There had to be Chapstick in there or maybe a lip balm. I didn’t care if it had a Pokémon on it or whatever the kids are into these days.

And then my fingers stumbled upon wart remover.

All at once I had to realize I was not in a twenty somethings bathroom but a child’s bathroom as I threw the wart remover on the tile floor like it would have burned my delicate none diaper stained fingers.

I probably will not catch a STD at this bathroom.

It’s not a club in Vegas, but when you are child free you see the words;
Wart Remover
And you panic.

Than I saw a thermometer on the counter and just assumed it had been in an asshole with the luck I had for this evening.

Forget raiding the kitchen for coconut oil for my parched lips.

I was going to bed chapped.

I give up!

I would like to say this story had a happy ending but after half an hour laying in bed unable to sleep my lips aching, I ended up searching my friends pantry high and low for olive oil, coconut oil, anything oil based really and found nothing for my lips.

So I sprayed I can’t believe it’s not butter on them from the fridge.

And then dreamt about popcorn all night.

Comments

  1. LISA SHAW

    This was hilarious! We ran the AC last night for the first time in a while and I woke up feeling like all the moisture had been sucked from my mouth, lips, and skin. I wish I had thought of lip balm before bed. Now, I will! 🙂

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