How to Blow a Gasket; Adventures in the Jungles of India

Here it is almost 2020, four years after I almost blew a gasket in the jungles of Tamil Nadu, India and in just a few short days we will be headed back out of Bangalore and south to the foothills of the Nilgiri’s and back to the jungle! Of all the adventures we had four years ago in India, none of us will ever forget that one time I almost blew a gasket.

Oh here’s a great story for you that you can tell at dinner parties.

When staying at an awesome jungle resort in India, in an actual treehouse be prepared for a situation where you may only have one toilet. And if you are not prepared? Well, you may end up pooping with the elephants. Which is what very nearly happened to me.

During our stay at the treehouse, in the jungles near Masinagudi we only had one terrific bathroom. I say terrific as it really was the absolute best bathroom ever. Where else on earth can you sit on the loo and watch spotted deer graze outside the total glass enclosure bathroom walls?

On this particular morning, my boyfriend was really taking his time. The deer were pretty awesome that morning.

I literally had the worst stomach ache ever and was so close to pooping myself I almost had to go out to the jungle and take my chances with the elephants. I was lying on the balcony couch holding my stomach and trying to decide the chances of making it down three flights of stairs into the jungle.

Walking down three flights of stairs while clenching my butt muscles were not really my biggest problem. My biggest problems were that there were tigers in the jungle. Like real tigers that would probably think that once I was squatting, pants around ankles would be a great time for a delicious Butter Chicken filled treat. Our resort in the jungle was a no fences resort and tigers and elephants were known to roam the property at all hours. Which is awesome; Until you are faced with the situation of where the hell do I poop? True story, when we left our treehouse between dusk and dawn we had to call an armed guard to come to accompany us around the property because the animals are everywhere. Which, once again, is awesome but not when your boyfriend is hogging the only bathroom and you have eaten nothing but Indian food for a week straight.

I began to mull my options, get eaten by a tiger or shit myself, which was worse?

But I literally could not walk down three flights of stairs to the jungle, it was that bad. I did finally convince him to stop hogging the toilet and watching the wild deer below the glass windows and come out of the bathroom. I was standing outside the bathroom door when he came out, as he put it “Looking like I was going to blow a gasket”

His ten-year-old thinks that is the funniest term ever and now we all refer to any bathroom explosions (And we have had a lot of Indian food so there have been a few) as “Blowing a gasket”

Also, I did not poop myself.

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Comments

  1. Janet Parsons

    Hello Amber ~
    I’m so glad you decided to track me down! Since we saw you last (was it at Trader Joe’s???) you’ve enjoyed some amazing adventures! I was so pleased to receive your letter and card and to learn the news of your nuclear family and the new family you’ve created with Adrian, Anika and your animals.
    I have lots to tell you but prefer to do it by email. So when you have a chance, please email me and I’ll respond. I can send you photos with my telephone so that you’ll see our environment here.
    This year I’ll turn 70!!!
    We love our lives here in France with our beautiful golden retriever and our dwarf rabbits which live in freedom in our large, unfenced garden. We live in the countryside but not too far from little villages. Our house was built in the 1700’s and is full of charm.
    France is a paradise for us for many reasons. I’ll let you know what our lives are like (and have been for the past 15 years here) when we correspond “privately.”
    Our very best wishes for a wonderful new year ~ “meilleurs voeux” to you and your families!!! Please give my best regards to your father along with my congratulations on his weight loss. He’s going to feel at least 20 years younger with his new knees.
    XXX Janet Parsons

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