Dear Amazon Prime, Where are My Cat Farts?

Dear Amazon Prime,

When I order a bag of cat farts I expect it to be delivered in the guaranteed two days or less.

I have many different options when purchasing a bag of cat farts and Amazon Prime used to be my go-to for buying birthday gifts such as cat snuggies and bags of cat farts.

Since Amazon Prime has become cheaper than my father and switched from UPS amazing always shows up on time shipping to USPS my postal employee usually gives our packages to the first neighbor she sees delivery I get my packages on time about one out of every twenty-five items we order.

We live in a resort town an hours drive from a WalMart or Target, so yes we order from Amazon Prime sometimes thirty times a week for our household. When our postal employee actually manages to figure out our packages go in post office box nine, she won’t even put them in our post office box. Instead she says our box is full every single time without even looking and we have to guess that our items may be at our local post office.

We then have to go to the post office three times a week, wait in line for thirty minutes to be yelled at by our surly postmaster.

All I want is my bag of cat farts delivered in a guaranteed two days or less.

Every time I complain to Amazon they reply with a form letter; Absolutely no customer service what so ever.

Is a little hands-on customer service too much to ask for? Why is it that small businesses always seem to have the best customer service? I know there is a crm for small business software that streamlines customer relationship management for these small businesses, but surely there is something similar for large corporations like Amazon? Or do they just not care the same? Anyway, thanks to Amazon Prime’s inability to follow through with their promises of timely delivery and their none caring in the least bit customer service my brothers birthday present of a bag of cat farts is going to be late.

What kind of birthday is that?

Happy birthday bro.

I mean not from Amazon Prime obviously but from me.

Amazon prime
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