A Torturous Tremendous Tommy’s Adventure ( Or don’t go hiking in Barstow)


      Any one who knows me knows if in hungry you better get the hell out of my way.

      My friends who hike with me bring extra snacks because no one wants to deal with Amber’s attitude if she runs out of food four miles from the car.
      I have a big appetite on a normal day and most days I hike ten miles or run eight miles and I’m used to eating a lot many times a day.
      I just came back from a week long Vegas vacation with friends where the running joke was how much I eat and I need to eat another meal?
      Again?!
      I just ate at a buffet four hours ago! ( If the food wasn’t so good in Vegas I wouldn’t be so tempted)
     Today’s Vegas departure was pushed back two hours by a side trip to Whole Foods ( Whole Foods is like my Disneyland; it’s hard for me to not take my time in there!) Oh and yes I had at least four samples as I wandered to the smoked meat counter ( Tasty smoked bison ribs? Yes please!) and than strolled to the fresh salad counter ( Yes I will take a half pound of Kale Cranberry Salad today but I’ll hold off on the Apricot Quinoa Salad, just tasted a bit to curryful for this early morning in Las Vegas)
     I tasted my way through Whole Foods at eleven P.M. And didn’t hit the road south towards Los Angeles until close to one, so yes the traffic was god awful as we inched towards the south and Southern California in the distance far beyond the dry barren desert.
      By the time we reached Tommy’s Famous Hamburgers ( A Los Angeles Area favorite) in Barstow at after four p.m. I was ravenous and not being very friendly to the other drivers around me; I might have yelled at an old man
      ” I remember the first day I learned how to drive!”
       While laying on my horn. This was pre chili cheese burger and I was seeing red ( with a side of chili)
       Finally we pulled into the Tommy’s parking lot and I ordered my burger, and my friends decided they wanted ghetto Del Taco at the building next door ( It’s a weird Californian thing; every Californian I know swears the Barstow Del Taco is amazing. It’s just another heart disease causing burrito as far as I can see. And yes, I realize I was getting ready to eat a chili cheese burger as I was telling my friends to enjoy their diabetes later, but I never eat fast food ever. I think the last time I had a Tommy’s burger may have been two years ago. This may be because my friends and family do not allow me to eat chili.
       As I stood in line and ordered and my stomach growled angrily my friends informed me they would be at Del Taco next door, order my food to go and meet them over there.
      As soon as I was handed that warm bag of chili and meat goodness did I shove my face in it?
      No.
      I grabbed the bag and my ice tea and sprinted across the parking lot to Del Taco.
      I saw a path through some rough looking bushes that some one else had taken so in my hunger induced coma I decided to go this way.
      As I got closer to the edge of this little cliff side I noticed there was a six foot drop off and a ladder, normally I could have just walked down the ladder gracefully and not like a baboon with a bag of greasy chili burger in one hand a giant ice tea and the other, but on an empty stomach I was not thinking clearly.
      I pretty much just dropped down and tried to land on a some what soft looking bush to my left.
     That’s when I noticed the bush was not soft at all.
     It was stabby.
     It was pretty much the most horrible bush ever.
     The bush hurt a lot and as I raced to the door of Del Taco I noticed that my left leg was hurting.
     I pulled up the pant leg of my leggings as I walked into the ( luckily) near empty restaurant (aside from my friends) and my leg was gushing blood from many, many huge cuts and scrapes.
     The worst part is I was still starving as I used every napkin in the restaurant to try and stop the blood, wondering if I would need stitches and really wondering if I had time to eat my burger before it got cold.
     My friends of course would ask later
     ” Did Tommy’s build a barb wire fence to keep you away from the chili Amber?”
    The good news is my leg stopped bleeding, no stitches were required. I ate my delicious chili covered burger in peace and luckily I always carry a Costco size tube of Neosporin in my hand bag.
     Take my advice; never go “hiking” in Barstow.

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